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wanna play bolder and bigger in life?

August 21, 2011

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Here is an expressive arts piece I created with lo

Here is an expressive arts piece I created with lots of the parts of myself that had been pushed down for decades.

After being certified as an expressive arts facilitator and leading a few retreats, I suddenly stopped painting. I had to create some foundations and life stability physically, financially, and in my emotionally in order to expand my capacity for this work.

I am ready to bring this work back again. Keep your eye out for fall painting retreats....

Ps. Somehow I want this grainy image of tempura paint on poster paper- to be the cover of the book I am writing- a raw and inspiring memoir on becoming a woman of range.

Hey smart people... this one is for YOU. For the

Hey smart people... this one is for YOU. For the first 42 years of my life- KNOWING shit and managing my mind protected and propelled me.

Critical thinking, research, learning everything I could about what ever I was interested in- brought me success, power, position.

Just like many of my high achieving clients- our intellect and performance masked and hurried an ability to meet and manage emotions. We used force of productivity to shove down intense and uncomfortable feelings. And certainly we weren’t taught these skills in our families or education.

Honestly I was 7 years into a coaching career before I realized I had zero capacity for difficult emotions- I’d been bypassing them woth “mindset and change your thinking.”

If you are like me and my clients, these buried emotions could often erupt instantly and unexpected- as rage, verbal violence, name calling, cutting people off and out of our lives with no warning and other emotionally harmful behaviors. I particularly had a verbally violent rage that covered my deepest abandonment fears and pain.

Interestingly it was never coaching that led me to meeting my emotion. It was art, and expressive arts (therapeutic intuitive Painting).

This experience and training - in the context of a culture of polarized politics and some personal family stuff- gave me the opportunity to meet my own most tender parts.

My lifelong depression lifted and the anxiety intensified- as my thinking self wanted to continue to stop me from feeling.

Actually feeling and being with emotion and sensation has become a practice in my life and in my work w clients.

Thank you to the mentors like @wildheartqueen and @richlitvin @rebeccachingmft who make space for me to make space for my most tender parts. I am grateful to myself for being willing to dive into what felt like the darkest spaces of my heart.

I am almost 50. If you are reading this- whatever age- I invite you to begin meeting your emotions and feeling with space and compassion. It is the gift I want the whole world to have.

This is peace. This is wholeness. This is love.

Nope. I don't wanna connect WhatsApp to my fb pag

Nope. I don't wanna connect WhatsApp to my fb page.
Nope. I don't wanna pay you, Yahoo, to be on your fancy coach list...you either Forbes.
Nope. I don't wanna grow my instagram your way. I have the perfect amount of followers at just the right moment and I will grow how ever I grow, or shrink.
Nope. I'm not gonna boost the post.
Nope, I'm not gonna buy followers or klout.
Nope, Im not going to even read your cold pitch.

It actually IS you.
..NOT me.

I'm doing me and it is working perfectly.

Gooooood Morning! Pre-make up and dog walk Bianca

Gooooood Morning! Pre-make up and dog walk Bianca Forte on the back porch!

Mondays are for Lovers and that is you! Love this precious and often intense life! Love your body and all it does for you even if it is creaky some days and you accidentally toot in public real loudly on occasion.

Love on your people... your family and friends and clients.

Love the opportunities that live in each moment!

Love rest and a good moisturizer and birds singing outside.

Love the tender and stressed parts so deeply- they are calling for your space and attention.

I know it might be the wrinkles on my forehead but for real, What are you loving today? This week? This moment?

It started early in my career as a sales coach for

It started early in my career as a sales coach for coaches. In 2007 I was on a panel of experts & a question from the audience led me to sharing that, albeit ‘successful & positive’ I struggled with anxiety & depression. When I made that private struggle public, I saw many heads in the audience nod their heads, & after our session, a line of coaches waited their turns to say, “Thank you for sharing, me too.”

A few days later, back in the office, my mentor, coach, boss shamed me, “I would NEVER have shared that” as she looked at me with disgust.

That moment I knew I would lead others in a different way. I would share more of my true self... and I would acknowledge & share tools & methods I used to manage my emotions and difficult parts... instead of pretending they didn’t exist.

At the time I had to be the leader I was looking for because vulnerability was not cool or welcome. Yet, something in me knew I had to learn to meet & work with all the parts of myself.

14 years later I hired a private leadership coach and she introduced me to #internalfamilysystems and all the connections are coming together.

Learning to lead my internal self and love all parts of myself... IS the work.

So much of coaching and spirituality bypassed or hustled right over really important work.... and we wonder why we get lackluster results with a side of shame.

I see so much more clearly now than I ever have..... 30 years into personal development and I’ve just begun.

💛 Allison

Two self portraits of a leader, of me. One you see

Two self portraits of a leader, of me. One you see, and one I live in every moment.

We are so much more that can be shared here, and in fact at almost 50 I’m getting to know parts of me I’ve never met.

Today I encountered a part of me who “regrets” and feels shame about the past. I just sat with her. Breathed with her. Welcomed her in and told her when she is ready to share I’m here willing to listen.

Leading yourself takes courage. It’s a squirmy journey. And so worth it.

This popped up in my memories. I was the visual no

This popped up in my memories. I was the visual note taker in the room for @richlitvin many times. The content still resonates.

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