Allison Crow

Better Life ~ Better Work

affirmations, appreciation, HEART, Inner Whisper, love, personal, Self Love Series, Soul-Full Living, Uncategorized

What is it about Words of Affirmation & Why You Should Fall In Love With Yourself

What is it about words of affirmation? My GAWD they feel good, at least to me. . . and I’m sure many of you.  Who doesn’t love a compliment or a kind verbal sentiment?

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are 5 Love Languages. 

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Physical Touch

 

Most people have one to two that really matter to them, and often the Divine Universe allows you to partner with someone who has an entirely different love language.

For years this drove me nuts. I married a man who isn’t really affected by words. Acts of service are his thing.  That means he expresses and receives love in chores (totally not my thing).

Unload the dishwasher, make the bed….I didn’t care. What I really wanted was more of the WORDS…. Express some sentiment to me that will make me feel good!!! ARGH.  For a few years, our different love languages meant we were both speaking in a language the other just didn’t get and we seemed to be in a perpetual power struggle.

And then I decided to accept my own crapola.

I was expecting HIM to give me what I needed when I didn’t bother to give myself words of affirmation.   Once I began to change the way I spoke to myself, I began to get more of what I needed to feel valid!

Who knew — this WHOLE time, I could find the validation I was craving within!   For years I’d looked for it from bosses, boyfriends, clients, family—anyone and then, in one quiet moment, this conversations when through my mind:

Ego: “My husband should love me more.”

My inner whisper: “I should love me more”

 

I should love me more!!! IIIII should love me more. 

Holy Toledo it was the best hit I ever did get!

Today, I’m much better at giving myself the words of affirmation that I need- I write them, I draw them, I make affirmation cards, I speak to myself out loud in the mirror and I send myself notes in the mail.   It is also easier for me to give my husband the acts of service that make him feel special– since I’m filling my own bucket, I’m overflowing more often, so it feels good to fill his bucket.

Side Note: a strange and delightful side effect of this is that NOW I’m getting more of those verbal affirmations from him.

When you fall in love with yourself–then LOVE can really happen.  Then kindness can really happen.  Divine Love is already there in you, waiting for you to tap in instead of seeking it so much from outside your self. FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF and WATCH the LOVE in your LIFE GROW!

My questions for you today:

  • How can you love YOU more? 
  • Could you consider stopping looking outside yourself for the validation, for the affection, for the kindness and compassion and go within?
  • How can you be the love of your own life?  
  • How can you give yourself what you need?

 

Oh and by the way, your hair looks awesome!

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Comments

  1. Lisa Marie says: July 4, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Allison,
    I loved this post. I relate very much to wanting the words and having a different language of love than hubby. I also love that you went within to see how you could love yourself more. This also is my homework as of late too. I recently realized how much of a b*tch I was being towards myself, making myself work 14-16 hours per day and not take a lunch break. Oh, then, people started to be mean to me. I heard my inner voice say, “Well, if you stop being mean to yourself, others will too.” Ouch 🙂 Thanks for emblazoning this in my mind and spirit, these positive things 🙂 xo

  2. jbledsoejr says: July 4, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    I can relate on a couple levels.  Acts of service is my LL, and words of affirmation is my wife’s LL…it took us a while to understand this, and we are still working on it, but making progress.  🙂  It can be pretty frustrating not knowing what makes your spouse feel loved and/or respected.

    I also have been guilty of verbally abusing myself (with my thoughts).  I can be very hard on myself.  I didn’t realize that was wearing me down over time…now I am very careful of my thoughts and words.  We have to CHOOSE and USE them WISELY.

    GREAT post Allison!

  3. Shantini says: October 12, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Hey Allison! Just discovered you and your site via Twitter – I love what your’re doing and your site is fantastic. I’ve already signed up for your coaching kit 🙂

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  • We live in such an instant gratification culture and now we are being shown how to slow down. How are you slowing down in your daily life these days?
  • Comparison. Other people’s opinions. Rejection. Am I doing it right? Am I doing it wrong? She’s getting opportunities I’m not getting. Why is this so easy for them and so hard for me? I remember these thoughts. Sometimes I still have these thoughts.... but only ever when my eyes aren’t on my own work. Or my nose is all up on their business instead of down doing my work. This is another form of FROTHING. It’s a comfortable misery - more comfortable than the next right uncomfortable step. Why settle for misery. The way to stop it is to STOP the comparison and the judgement. But the EgO is so much more comfortable creating in protective mode. Soothe that ego and be where your feet are and then take the next right step. Stop stooping down and start stepping up. Be you. Do you. And then repeat. Love,💛AC
  • There’s this nervous system response I call FROTHING. It’s when it’s subconsciously easier to feel a familiar discomfort than an unfamiliar one. Frothing can show up as: 💛overthinking 💛drama 💛doubt 💛overwhelm 💛underperforming 💛tired when you are fully rested 💛getting ready to get ready 💛procrastination 💛perfectionist stalling And more. All these things feel way more comfortable to the nervous system than going a level deeper- and feeling the NEW discomfort of taking the next right step. If you don’t know the next right step- I teach my Soulie Clients to “know their 3”- 3 go-to outer work steps that will move them forward every single time. They can be generic but are usually front/client facing - NOT behind the scenes work. My 3 are: 💛going live 💛 face time face or voice to voice connection with a current or prospective client. 💛 show up at an in person event and connect with humans. You just need to choose one and do it to interrupt the frothing stall! Go for it. I believe in you. 💛 Allison.
  • I’m excited for 2 reasons today: 1. We’re at episode 99! (Stay tuned for the celebration episode 100 next week!) 2. We have the amazing Super Soulie @heather_m_esposito on the podcast today Heather is a member of Soul-Full Success (for over a year, that’s what makes her a Super Soulie!) and is a huge contributor to our group, and to my life honestly. And today she’s sharing with you the power of releasing our trapped emotions through energy healing. She’s helped me with my heartburn, with my dogs, with some clients who wanted abundance help - and that’s not even the half of it! As a therapist and self-proclaimed skeptic turned bakery owner, author, Tony Robbins coach and then health coach and energy healer, she is a wealth of knowledge and is generously sharing her insights with us today. It can be hard to describe energy healing, but you’ll love her examples, stories, and tips for feeling better (hello all about the #BetterLifeBetterWork). You’re going to love Heather’s energy (ha!) and knowledge she brings to you, check out her show and then I’d love to know your experience with energy healing - are still a skeptic, have experience with it, or are interested in more?
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  • If I took myself seriously...... I would........??? Are you waiting for others to take you seriously? Or trying to prove yourself? You can’t get enough of that from OUTSIDE you to ever be full..... so this is your message to give that respect to yourself.... So, what if? What would be different you took yourself seriously? 💛
  • Backyard beauty. Taking moment to notice what is good and precious these days helps keep me out of the blahs. Gorgeous pink roses with giant soft ball-sized blooms. Yes. I stop and smell them. What is your version of “stop to smell the roses” these days?
  • Honestly: I don’t have a lot of words and yet I feel like expressing. If you see a post from me that has inspiring brilliance it is because I hire help to produce my brain for when my brain isn’t creative. I am not Covid creative. I am Covid doing the best I can with a range of responsibilities, a heap of grief, and lots of emotion between coaching clients (the part of life that keeps me sane right now) and managing my restless heart, toxic judgment of our government and extreme anything but especially right wing. Texas heat has set in and this water baby is alone in her doggie pool. Even the dogs won’t get in. I had a dream I was the mail person for my old company and I delivered all the closing checks incorrectly. Listen, my current ISness isn’t as bad as many many people. And it is my ISness. The great Covid uncovering of 2020 is revealing a new layer of fears and desires and, that my friends..... well I’m a master at that So cheers motherfuckers- from my doing the best I can to be in the sun and water even though it is a dog pool, and my @franziawines Sunset Blush boxed wine, 10 lbs overweight but figuring this crazy stuff out just like you are. Ps. I salute the human and messy in you.... not the perfect and productive. Love 💛 Allison.

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