Achievement and Success Archives - Allison Crow

Attractor vs Enroller: A Distinction for Us Both

allisoncrow — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 17:04:42 +0000

A distinction for your consideration: Attractor vs. Enroller

Yesterday was a bingo ball day where all my ideas just bounced around in the bingo ball hopper – none fully

dropped into the final chute. I looked through some recent journals to slow down and connect with my own wisdom.

I came across a note to myself that reminded me, in my coaching practice, I am an

ATTRACTOR

not an

ENROLLER

It was just the SELF-TRUST reminder I needed.

ENROLLER is the formula for what many of us are taught to do in sales—to get people to go through a sales funnel that leads to a sales consultation, where the goal is to “convert” the prospect to a client. Then, handle and overcome objections and close the sale.

This can be effective for many salespeople, but it is also what feels disingenuous and smarmy to others.

ATTRACTOR is a way of being and marketing that feels more natural to me and encourages responsibility and self-trust in potential clients. Yes, I have expert skills, AND the client’s concerns and objections are considered and valid. A right fit is more important than “closing the sale.”

It is often unclear what I do or offer professionally, and I’m sure I leave money on the table. I know this is not the best sales practice (I taught sales for YEARS).

I am quirky and strange, and when potential clients call, if they are with someone who doesn’t know me, isn’t familiar with me, or hasn’t seen or heard me speak or teach, it is always AWKWARD. Even referrals from beloved clients can be strange – not because of the other person but because of me. I’m weird. And I’m incredibly nervous, and my “sense of being perceived” rises when I’m around new people.

Last year, I had a series of “cold discovery calls” that I think came through tiktok, which was so awkward. I was awkward.

Coaching is not a mechanical process for me—it’s a relational process, and I’m weird at the beginning of relationships, even if I don’t want to be. Hello AUDHD.

I can now see it’s a bottom-up process, and I desire that both ways. I’m probably not your best fit if you are a top-down linear thinker.

Most, not all, of the people I work well with have known and “followed” me for years. Sometimes ten or more years – The quiet watchers routinely come out when THEY are ready and say, “I want to work with you.” They are the ones that end up in transformative years or more long engagements – doing deep inner and outer work. By the time they go to my coaching page and request a connection and discovery session – they know they want to work with me in the direction of their dreams and well-being.

I know I’m not super direct, and, when you are ready, I’m here, and we can talk and create a custom program for you.

I shared this because this week, I was able to help a client see that they are more of a Gardner in their business, too, not a machine. What I call “capitalism brain” is a subconscious influence that always pushing the machine. But there IS a place for those of us who are gardeners to cultivate in our lives and work.

Maybe you need to be reminded that you are a gardener, and you can do what you do. You can keep sharing your heart, showing your work, and making warm invitations, and the right clients will bloom at the right time.

Enroller or attractor – one is not better than the other, but one is more authentic to me and more congruent with my system and my way of being and creating in the world.

Remember who YOU are, and go do your thing!

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If You Can’t Lead Clients with SELF-TRUST What is the Real Agenda in Coaching?

allisoncrow — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 17:17:40 +0000

A few months ago, I was offered a partnership as the VP of a newly organized and practically guaranteed-to-be profitable corporate coaching company.

It was flattering, of course, as my years of expertise and effectiveness as a coach were what had this person want me for the position.

Obviously, I didn’t take the position. While I’m sure the coaching company will do great things and help many people, I had two questions for the CEO before even going down the path to considering this role:

1. Can I put the CLIENT first in my coaching, or would I have to put the company first?

2. Would I have to filter myself, or could I be fully me?

Without even a spoken word, it became a clear NO for both of us.

I’m sure I’ve lost position and profit, over and over, because SELF-TRUST must come first, both for me and for my clients.

#selfconnection and #selftrust are skills – they are learned and practiced. And most of the systems around you are teaching you the opposite – to bend to the will of giving away your power and sovereignty.

You know more than you think you do; you have the wisdom within. Cultivate those skills of #selfconnection and #selftrust.

Love,
💛 Allison

Podcast Episodes on Self Trust:

SELF-Trust & Invisible Systems

Coping Skills & Self-Trust

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4 Elements that Make Up Our Inner Systems In the Internal Family Systems Framework

allisoncrow — Sat, 05 Aug 2023 16:24:47 +0000

𝟰 𝗘𝗹𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗨𝗽 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗙𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝗙𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸

💛 𝗔 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙
😢 𝗘𝘅𝗶𝗹𝗲𝘀
🗣️ 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀:
🧑‍🚒 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀

Today I’ll introduce the Core SELF.

💛 𝗔 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙– SELF is the natural leader of your system, and psyche, your natural essence, is undamaged, needs no improvement, and is perfect as is. The SELF is the support and care you have always needed. It is the CORE YOU.

𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲, 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀, 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗳𝘂𝗹; 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗺 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻.

For years, even before IFS, I’ve drawn the Yellow Heart and used it as my logo because it reminds me to REMEMBER who I BE from an energetic and loving presence with myself.

I use the yellow/gold heart to help me remember that my essence is love and my true nature. The yellow heart also reminded me that my head and thinking parts, while brilliant, are not my core source being, that is in my heart. I can connect my head (or any of my parts) with my SELF-ENERGY by breathing into my heart.

When I came across IFS – and CORE SELF was represented – I KNEW that my yellow heart would expand to symbolize SELF Energy.

I often use this metaphor with my business owner clients – and if it resonates, I lead them in a meditation to see what “color” their SELF-heart is. Some are blue, one is red and gold, one is rainbow, and another is “fruity pebbles.” The clients KNOW what language and imagery help them identify & connect with this SELF-Energy.

If your SELF-Energy were color and energy – what color would your heart be 💛💚💙💜🤎🤍🧡❤️💞❤️‍🔥💖💟

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

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Fierce Personal Protector Parts – Internal Family Systems

allisoncrow — Tue, 13 Jun 2023 14:08:58 +0000

Imagine a very quiet secret service protector. She is quiet but consistently over my right shoulder. Her presence is thick and always there. But she isn’t on guard for outside threats; she is monitoring my behavior, my productivity, my processes, and my very existence.

Most of my “Inner System” and parts use verbal language to communicate and are easy to see and know. This part grunts from time to time (a bit like Roy Kent) with disapproval.
Her grunts translated into words are:

😡You are doing it wrong.
😡If you don’t get it done, you’ll be left.
😡You should do more.

😡If you slow down, you will evaporate into the void of nothing, NOTHING. ]
😡 You need to manage this shit because no one else can.

She was brought into my system by being exposed to high-demand religion and systemic patriarchy communities from 1st grade – 25 years old.

I feel the weight of her hard-on-me-ness in the muscles around my scapula. Sometimes I feel her in my clenched jaw.
For the first time, I turn directly to her and say, “Hello, Hard-On-Me, I see you. I am here for you, ” Keeping my distance but communicating my presence with my belly and heart.

She’s not falling for it, and that’s ok. She sees me as 15 years old. And that’s ok too.

She is one of my primary protectors. ALWAYS on. Not like many of my other parts who come and go. She rare

ly sleeps.

I can sense her desire for connection but her fear of dropping her guard. That’s ok, too.

It’s a start.
A connected start.
A connected start plants a seed of softness and presence without asking too much.
Trust must be built first, and trust takes time.
_______
We are all made of multitudes, and because we are human, some of these parts are gripping outdated means and organizing our lives for our protection, which is no longer needed. But we’ve been taught to override these parts, ignore them, and shove them down.

There is another way. It involves new skills. And gentle time on task. And it leads to that inner softness and genuine grounded confidence. Moving through the world less encumbered.
This is the work I do in myself and that I help my 1:1 clients do.
💛

#selfleadership #internalfamilysystems #allpartswelcome

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You Forget. It’s Not Your Fault & Here is What to do About it.

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 14:53:02 +0000

Because you are human, because you live in a society whose systems are set up to make you forget – remembering can be your most vital practice.

Seriously, you aren’t broken; you’ve done nothing wrong – our systems literally are built on you out-sourcing your self-trust and remembering. When you forget, you give away power and buy stuff you don’t need without thinking. (I love buying stuff I don’t need – with clear intention).

Because you are engaged in life and work and smart as fuck, your mind and mental managers like to move fast through your ideas. Sometimes they get congested and confused. That’s normal.

If you knew that you would regularly – as in super often – FORGET who you BE What ritual could you set up so that you REMEMBER who you are?

. . .Because from that place, everything works with more lube. Flow has space to flow from the remembering.

And remembering doesn’t just happen. That’s why you suffer. We have to cultivate it.

You are not alone, dear human. Even though happy, and excited, and clear, I could feel a sense of forgetting when I sat down at the desk today – and my pre-planned ritual of journaling and writing with a SELF-ENERGY focus – brought me back to remembering. I won’t share the top half of that page quite yet (maybe someday -as you know, I’m pretty unfiltered)…but where I ended up, because of the daily practice, was in the remembering, and now I am able, from my heart to be here for you, and to gently take the next steps of my day.

Love, Your Favorite Life Coach.

Allison

I hope you remember.

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Ep: 198 – Updates

allisoncrow — Sun, 21 May 2023 13:14:04 +0000

Hello Humans! Who else has been wild edging through transitions and wobbles! I made you a check in episode – to let you know a bit of the behind the scenes as we sort our shit out with laughter and compassion! Lots of little bite sized good things in this episode! Enjoy!

Love, Allison

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You Think Too Much

allisoncrow — Tue, 14 Mar 2023 15:59:31 +0000

No shit. I am 1000000% aware of this. And I’m done being ashamed of my overthinking parts. Before I get to making my list of the things I adore and love about “thinking too much,” – let me tell anyone who considers saying this to someone- anyone who overthinks is already keenly aware- we know, and this kind of comment is not helpful. It’s dismissive and rude.

Ok.

My overthinking parts are awesome. I love them. Let me count just some of the ways:

1. They make me shit loads of money by helping people solve problems.

2. duh, I am a professional and personal philosopher and psychologist. I literally study thoughts and ideas and mind.

3. I am an artist and poet and writer, and author- because I think too much.

4. My thinking parts CARE and Feel deeply. I don’t wanna live in a world where I lose my compassion for others – and to do that I need to think about lots of things.

5. The ways to stop my thinking parts include excessive drinking or xanex. Don’t wanna suppress them and so I’ve learned to BE with them. While chatty they are benevolent friends. And yes. Meditation with them is noisy and I’m ok with that. I’m rarely lonely because of my thinking parts.

6. My thinking parts are simply craving things almost every human craves. Connection. Belonging. Significance. They just use words and language and ideas. – which I find fucking fascinating.

7. Anything I have created and cultivated in my life that is good came from and idea and a thought. It didn’t manifest out of my vagina because I clinched a yoni egg in there and prayed. I created it with my mind bound in the universe. Yes I may have had excessive thoughts – sometimes I wrestle and sometimes I stress, but I also experience bliss and bless- I create excessively and I LOVE this about me.

Why on earth would I want to let it all go?

If I’m too much- go find less.

, Allison

PS: I love how people are always telling me to NOT be XYZ – often something that is acutely part of my ADHD and neurodivergence. Thanks for the ableism, yall. My DX helps me stand in my true self without it being wrong.

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Struggling with the Social Media Marketing Machine

allisoncrow — Fri, 17 Feb 2023 17:16:25 +0000

An insight about my creative process that may point you to insights about your own creative process:

When I openly acknowledge the hard and I can compassionately witness myself and even the tiniest of suffering, the hard often lifts within a few days.

It is a part of accepting the both/and – of living in the Wild Edges of Being Human.

PS TL/DR people move on. I’m not here for your dopamine hit; my writing is here to help me and then you think differently and change your life.

Current Hard:

In my current facebook memories – are the promos and images for the course I used to teach called Share Your Heart: Show Your Work – a delightful and helpful course about authentic marketing on social media. The course was reverse-engineered from what delightfully worked for me in the first 7 years of moving my business online after leaving corporate.

I LOVED and enjoyed my relationship with social media.

And currently -I don’t feel that love. I am aware that my lenses are cloudy and the “lens cleaner” is in my own hand, not outside of me.

Since 2008 I have created and shared prolifically online. Since even before that, if you count my blogspot blog.

I do love to write and to process and share with words.

I did thousands of live videos and have recorded almost 200 Podcast episodes. For the last four years, I have written and then published a book from my heart.

For most of that time, it was effortless – truly 98% spontaneous overflow of my precious yellow heart .

And that Sharing My Heart and Showing My Work allowed you all to get to know me – and many of you – hundreds – stepped forward to work with me in some way. It never felt like selling.

Recently, I have inner parts that are overwhelmed and irritated, and deeply sad about the extreme parts of crappy capitalism. My brain can’t unsee the patterns of greed. I, like many of you, often feel the burnout of crappy capitalism and the burnout of shitty social media. And yet, here I am, a capitalist, selling a high-fee service – a luxury. And my revenue has become reliant on me “Sharing My Heart and Showing My Work.”

“Content creation” in order to….. SELL has been repulsive to me. I feel like I’m standing in a house of mirrors and can’t escape it. Go viral, get followers, convert in your DMs, do this reel, do that tiktok, get famous on booktok…….

Be in the world, not of the world, became a mandate instead of an opportunity.

Of course, instead of letting it rest, I wrestle and inquire with that repulsion; I judge myself and become hard on myself – not mean, but certainly, I put pressure to come to a conclusion.

My discernment has gotten foggy, and I’ve slipped into full-on waiting for people to ASK to hire me. It’s been easier to judge others for not choosing my credibility and value than it has been to stand in it and make offers.

In writing this and speaking with my friend Jeanine – things are already starting to clear up. It makes perfect sense that those muscles would atrophy after the year I had last year. Grief and a heart attack will do that to you.

The questions I’m tenderly pondering in this content creation marketing kerfuffle:

What do I truly desire?

What would feel fun?

What obligations could I release?

What if I didn’t give SO much..what if I let less be more.

What’s possible in business and networking relationships away from social media?

What in the garden of my business is ready to be uprooted and released, what just needs some pruning, and what needs to be planted, anew?

And for now, I’ll end right there and just BE.

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What to Know About the Place Between Where You are and Where You Want to Go

allisoncrow — Fri, 17 Feb 2023 16:51:21 +0000

In conversation with my coach (and my therapist) – when I tap into the clarity of where I’m pulled to BECOME, the light shows up in my eyes in one instant, and then in the next, I hit the gaping space between where I am and where I want to go…

And I wobble.

My voice begins to shake, and my stomach gurgles – my brain amps up her stories and excuses. The doubt fires up and conspires with all the reasons not to grow.

And my coach, Tony, lifts his hand and vibrates it horizontally where I can see it – to remind me of the wobble that happens when we are attuning to something new. It’s a visual anchor to remind me to slow down and be with what I call the wobble. While he shakes his hand – he often says, “I’ve got you.”

The Wobble is a Part of the Human Experience.

This week, I also saw the wobble:

In a few of my clients, as they saw the responsibility they were pushing away instead of rising in their leadership
In one of my writing colleagues as she hit a grand new awareness about who she is becoming through writing her story
In a high school friend who was sharing some of her tender therapy realizations with me over a salad and a bowl of mac and cheese at Panera.
In a few of my clients as they bravely navigate becoming their more authentic selves even when the world asks for them to “fit in.”
In a precious friend who held a hospice vigil with her dying mother.

The Wobble is Not a Weakness

It is a sign you are building strength and new muscle memory.
It is a sign you are attuning to new experiences.
It is a sign you are attuning your nervous system to a new state of capacity and calm in the face of doubt and fear.
It is a sign you are stretching.
It is a sign of the becoming you are in the middle of. (yes, I ended that with a preposition).
If you are a goal person – it is proof you are making progress toward that outcome.

The wobble, the soreness, and sometimes even big trembles are what live in the space between your atrophy and comfort — and the being or doing you are growing into.

How will you hold the wobble In your mind with your thoughts In your body?
I offer to you to slow down, and hold the discomfort with compassion and strength.
I plant the seed of remembering, “YES – this is growth, and it’s working,” when the discomfort rises up and starts to freak you up.
And finally, I invite you to be the one that says to all parts of you, “I’ve got you.”

“Where have you atrophied#8221; is a question I’ve been considering for myself and offering to my clients.

My wise inner self shows me were it’s time for me to build strength and courage to be with the wobble. Yours can show you too.

And if you are looking for a coach to help support you – one who can say, “I’ve got you,” as you lean in, I can help with that.

Here are a few ways I can support you.

This is the work I am helping my business owner clients do. These are the conversations in my book Unarmored: Finding Home in The Wild Edges of Being Human . This is some of the focus of my live event Camp Cultivate in May, and this is the foundation from which we do group life and business coaching in my small membership program, Soulies: Self Leadership Society .

Love, Allison

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The #1 Thing That Keeps People Stuck

allisoncrow — Fri, 10 Feb 2023 16:35:24 +0000

Coaching is an art and science of behavior change, and wouldn’t it be fun if it were actually as easy as “change your thinking, change your life?” (And yes, I believed it was that simple for years- I’m sorry).

Just changing our thinking is a gross oversimplification. It leaves millions frustrated and fleeced.

One (of many) significant determiners of our lives is not just our thinking or our emotions but actually our habitual and subconscious attempts NOT to feel disconnection, shame, rejection, fear, sadness, and other uncomfortable and painful emotions.

These attempts show up as coping mechanisms that serve as armored protection from these feelings.

Hi. My name is Allison, and I’m a recovering, over-armored woman.

Let me go way back for a moment so we can move forward: It is a natural subconscious desire to connect and repair connection if the body senses a disconnect. We are wired for it. We learn early on to manipulate the maintaining of that connection with our caregivers. As children, when the connection with our caregivers conflicts with authenticity – we innately choose connection every time. We choose the coping mechanism over living in our true selves.

Here’s the burn for high-achievers: The coping mechanisms that worked for us are socially acceptable and highly admirable. They are often praised and rewarded by society.

We give and overgive. We perform, we people please, we over-function, and we caretake others, often at the expense of our true selves. If you are neurodivergent (like I am), then we mask along with our armor. It feels good until it begins not to feel good, and then what?

We look up and see all the perceived excellence around us but can feel empty or like something is missing – yet we gaslight ourselves into gratitude. That is not compassion; that is comparison.

My clients with longevity in the personal development space do this the most. You’ve been taught to shame your way into appreciation instead of taught how to cultivate it from within.

Side note: From my “I’m still learning understandings” of ADHD brains – executive function fails in the presence of shame and pain as motivation – we, instead, pursue the feel-good rewards.

Where does that leave us when these coping skills actually begin to perpetuate our struggle?

This is the place many of my experienced business owner clients are in, at the crossroads of should and self-trust.

The Crossroads of SHOULD and SELF-TRUST

The shoulds are familiar and known; they are reliable even if they come with a side of suffering.

The uncomfortable known will always be more appealing to the unknown.

The road to self-trust requires both learning new skills and unlearning old ways of habitual coping. It also requires seeing all the systems that taught you ON PURPOSE not to trust – and that can be downright depressing and bring up grief.

The Skill of Noticing
The Skill of Being With and Presence (instead of fixing or solving)
The Skill of Sensing Cravings (in self and others)
The Skill of Building Inner Relationships

These are just 4 (certainly not all) of the Self Leadership skills I help my clients develop in their lives and work. These skills can present as great insights in conversation -yippey yay-yay-woo-hoo; but if it ends there, it’s just entertainment.

We must build a muscle memory for these skills in the body and behavior, and ultimately in the nervous system if we want lasting change. . . If we want to learn to be in the world from a place of true SELF Trust.

Cheers to you on your journey of SELF-Trust.

And #icanhelpwiththat – if you are ready to build your self-trust skills, here are a few ways I can support you.

Love, Allison

Listen to the Podcast episode on this here.

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