Care of the Soul Archives - Allison Crow

Take Time to Look (& Listen)

allisoncrow — Wed, 21 May 2025 15:32:36 +0000

The last thing I want to do when life feels SLOW is slow down even more. Many months ago, I came across this painting by Sarah Bamford Seidelmann. It landed in my feed, and I instantly purchased a wood print from her. It has been over my left shoulder, helping me remember who I am, since I unpacked it.

“Take time to look,” said Georgia O’Keeffe. My own brain also added, “Take time to listen.”

The impossible standards conditioned into my brain expected insight and direction in a flash. My soul knows better, but that did not stop so many parts of me from being irritated, frustrated, self-blaming & shaming, and even afraid.

The vision, the next, the path… has been right here all along in dozens of tiny puzzle pieces. Thirty years ago, soul seeds were planted when I discovered the work of Thomas Moore in a Boulder, Colorado bookstore.

I KNEW.
I’ve always known, and of course, like many of us do, I’ve been distracted in the living of life, in the unbecoming of my training, and in the gaining of wisdom that only experience can bring. Of course, this had to wait until my 3rd Act.

It’s all here.
No big flash today, just stepping forward into the re-enchantment of everyday life from a grounded, weathered, and strangely confident place.

I’ve always known and now it’s time to harvest what has been reblooming all along.

“The Re-Enchantment of Everyday Life” gave me permission to have a diverse portfolio of interests and expertise from my early 20s. A scholar, teacher, counselor, psychologist, spiritual student, poet, artist, writer, another kind of mother, and tender of souls in life and work.
“The Education of the Hear t” and “Elemental Self.” (All by Thomas More and all on my shelf for 25-30 years).

My own company, Soul-Full Living, LLC – although my business has evolved over the years, SOUL-FULL remains the guiding path. SELF connection and trust amidst an enticing and distracting world are still the fuel.

The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope, and my own book Unarmored: Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human.

I could list 132 more puzzle pieces that have come together to undoubtedly show me that my mission is in moments, not in moonshots or impact.

In a world of volatility, uncertainty, and complexity, being connected to self, source, and the present moment matters. Intentional living, community, and expression of creativity, poetry, nature, caring conversations, and everyday enchantment – this is the world I am committed to creating.

Take time to look. Take time to listen. Trust yourself. Let it take time.

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Midlife Can Cause Your Confidence to Wobble: Here’s Why and What to Do About It

allisoncrow — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 19:06:38 +0000

Feeling Like You’ve Lost Your Confidence in Midlife It can be discombobulating. Here’s Why—and What to Do About It.

It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of confidence, especially during times of transition, change, or stress.

What we call “confidence” in the past was often rooted in external validation or 💛a sense of control over familiar circumstances. When life shifts—whether through age, relationships, career changes, or personal growth—it can feel like that foundation crumbles, leaving us questioning ourselves.

Here’s why this might be happening and some steps to start reconnecting with your confidence:

What Happened?

External Confidence Was Shaken: Confidence often stems from skills, roles, or identities that feel secure. If those shift—like your job changing, kids leaving home, or your body aging—it’s natural to feel unsteady.
Internal Growth Can Be Unsettling: Personal growth often brings self-awareness. You might notice patterns, like people-pleasing or perfectionism, that kept you going but were never sustainable. Letting go of those coping mechanisms can feel like losing your “edge.”
Midlife Health or Neurodivergence May Amplify Self-Doubt: Shifts in hormones, energy, or brain patterns (like ADHD or Autism traits) can make you feel disconnected from the way you used to operate.
Societal Pressure: There’s often pressure to “have it all figured out” at this stage of life. Feeling unsure can lead to self-doubt, especially if you compare yourself to others.

Here are some of the ways to rebuild self-confidence from the inside out in midlife:

💛True confidence comes from self-trust, not performing or pleasing. Begin to ask: What do I value What feels right for me now?
💛Practice honoring small inner nudges—this builds trust in yourself.
💛Lean Into Curiosity, Not Perfection: You don’t have to “get it all back.” Instead, ask: What feels intriguing, energizing, or joyful Confidence grows when you allow yourself to experiment and learn without harsh judgment.
💛Build Body Confidence Through Regulation: Confidence often starts in the body. Try grounding practices like walking, dancing, or slow breathing to bring calm and connection back into your physical self.
💛Tend to Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself the way you would a friend who’s lost their footing. Remind yourself that feeling uncertain is part of being human, not a sign of failure.
💛 Reconnect With Purpose: Ask: What feels meaningful What small actions can I take today to move toward that Confidence grows when we align our actions with what matters most.
💛 Limit Comparisons: Your path is unique. Comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Focus on your growth and values instead.

This stage of life isn’t about “getting back” to who you used to be—it’s about embracing the opportunity to become someone even more grounded, wise, and authentic. Confidence will come naturally as you build self-trust and honor your evolving self.

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Midlife Wandering – Where Am I Going

allisoncrow — Thu, 29 Aug 2024 14:53:04 +0000

Almost two years ago, my book on learning to live with an unarmored heart was published. 2 years ago yesterday, I had an NSTMI heart attack and spent three days in the hospital while the doctors tried to figure out what was going on. Talk about unarmored; life demanded it.

Last night, I told Bill, “I don’t think I’ve been the same since; I just know I’m not who I was before 2022, and I haven’t figured out who I am becoming.”

In midlife, we don’t all need a significant health scare to help us realize we aren’t the same person anymore. My college human development textbooks had literally only a single paragraph on midlife development, mentioning the stereotypical midlife crisis.

Midlife doesn’t have to be a crisis, and for many of us, it is a season of challenging and confronting transitions that activate what we’ve stuffed to the side for many years.

—-

Usually, my writing flows, and just like in midlife – my ‘flow” here has stopped and started and choked. Each of us has a list of our own personal events – that contribute to the clusterfuck that midlife can be.

Where am I going This is another question that speaks to the layers of my life. I don’t have anything I’m “going after.” Sure, I can make up obligatory goals, but I don’t roll that way. My heart has to be infused with it. For now, I do not have much vision, drive, or direction, but there are also days when I am fully annoyed with the wandering.

My “capitalism brain” shames and shoulds me into creating a big vision and coming up with the next “thing” to sell for 20k months. My mortgage and skin care products also want to make sure I’m still earning money. It’s a little financially scary to divest so much of my identity from business me – it has been easier to make money when, deep inside, I was afraid and had something to prove. It was much easier to drive and market and strive and DO when my coping mechanisms ran the show.

When there is no intrinsic big vision – my nudges have encouraged me to find goodness in the specific. Yesterday, (which was a mentally wonky day) was brightened by capturing this bumble bee in my salvia blooms, and the glorious Sports Illustrated images of USA rugby player Ilona Maher in her red triangle-top bikini. My unarmored midlife joy is in the moments like these.

I have no doubt that My Internal Drive will show up in her right time. I am a gardener, not a machine. (Yesterday, I didn’t believe this -today, I do). It is only my job to be present with what is and to be compassionate with all parts of me in this midlife weirdness.

1:1 work with clients has confirmed this. The deliciousness of going slow and deep and spacious with clients – many of whom are experiencing their own versions of releasing the white-knuckle grip on how things used to be, or what their capitalism brains incessantly demand. Together, we are learning to deeply self-trust and regenerate from the inside truth of who we are vs who the world told us we should be.

If you want a skilled, caring, and compassionate hand to hold as you navigate this season of your life and work, I have space open on my roster in September. Message me or start at www coachwithallison dot com.

Finally, yes, I am a bit lonely and miss being in community. I’ll admit that out loud. In the past, I always created the community I wanted – I’m not sure I’m ready to do that, yet, but I am considering it in my heart and body.

As always, my heart is to share so you don’t feel so alone. And, to show you my bumble bee in the salvia flowers, and in doing so I remember that I am enough in this moment. So are you.

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UNLEARNING (In my journal)

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 17:11:36 +0000

Today is one of those days when all the dots connect, and I can see how the past has led me to now. My now is ordinary; there is no monumental milestone or achievement. There is nothing to brag about, nothing you will admire as fabulous.

Unlearning isn’t a popular or particularly pleasing journey. It’s often heavy and certainly not inspirational low-hanging fruit to sell in a coaching program. “I can help you make more money.”

If I were really brave, I would share more of my unlearning with you out loud, but I am still sensitive to what you think about me.

Still.

Most of all, if I weren’t afraid of being so “negative.” There’s some programming and “not truth.”

Do you think nature says, “I shouldn’t be so negative#8221; or even God? Buahahahah. Nope.

We can not escape life’s difficulties even if we do everything we can to escape them. But we can learn to access our own SELFSOUL to be with ourselves and others in the difficulties (and the delights).

Unlearning IS a valid path to SELFSOUL trust. I added SOUL because the SELF-TRUST I am teaching in my work, and living in my life is trust in the INFINITE SOUL within you. The GOD inside of you that you are.

It was always calling, even from way back in 3rd grade, when at HP Elementary, I was compelled to say a prayer in chapel because I was tired of hearing the shame, fire, and brimstone messages about avoiding hell. My little 3rd-grade SOUL knew back then that it was CONNECTION and relationship, not control. And here we are at 52—seeing it all led me to this ordinary moment—where it is more than a theory; it just is.

Alli, you asked for a SOUL-full life for many years, and you’ve been living it all along and are living it here in this moment. You found it by not trying to escape your humanity but by exploring it all the way to the wild edges.

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Bug Soup & Updates

Elyse Rich — Mon, 06 Nov 2023 16:49:08 +0000

Hello Hello Humans!

I feel like a little kid getting back on a bicycle,
It’s been a couple of months since I podcasted.

Bug Soup is the time during chrysalis when the caterpillar disintegrates and devolves
and physically, materially turns into an gooey mess before it regenerates into the butterflies that bless us all.

It’s a metaphor for a stage of creation and a stage of life.

Who else is in and has been in Bug Soup?

I have been for quite some time.

It feels like whack a mole and it is just life.

I just want to acknowledge the humanity of seasons of Bug Soup no matter what causes them.

Love,

Allison

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

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Scribble Days are More Than Good Enough

allisoncrow — Fri, 27 Oct 2023 15:07:27 +0000

Despite what the gurus and social feeds suggest, it can be pretty scribbly to do the nurturing practices that support us. Some days it IS easy – and just know that if some days, it feels more like this photo – you are not alone.

It is normal to NOT want to move your body, or do your creative things, or take the extra steps of genuine

ly compassionate care when you are down. And down is not a moral failure.
Down is not a moral failure.
Down is not a moral failure.
Down is not a moral failure.

Sometimes is biological, or chemical, or circumstantial, or just time to rest more than your brain thinks is necessary.

I MADE myself walk today. More often than not, I’ve dragged myself to my creative practice a la War of Art.
Cheers and love to any of my fellow humans in a scribble season.

#nurturingpractices #walkeveryday #createdaily #restoften #warofart #humaning #selfcompassionjourney

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Life is Suffering – And Hummingbirds

allisoncrow — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 15:06:14 +0000

Life is suffering – AND.

Yup – both and again.

You know those plastic shit hummingbird feeders The ones that need to be cleaned every week because they can get moldy and kill the birds The ones that make a big sugary mess in your kitchen and all the way back out to the yard when changing over the water The ones that get brittle in the 100-degree plus temps and ultimately crack?

Here’s what works better.
Scorched wildflowers. Death in the garden.

This spring, the wildflower garden was all a/bloom – epic in her color and textures. And now, the heat has made a mess of tall-reaching-for-water-sticks with dead heads begging to be trimmed into something not so ugly……

And just like life – dead flower heads present an offering. We’re so prone to hate the suffering and the ugly, but the ugly brings seeds.

While you run with that metaphor, I will tell you literally who is thriving in the scorched earth of my dead wildflowers- the hummingbirds.

A few dozen every day, at all times of the day, are finding sustenance in something I regard as done, dead, and an eyesore.

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Tanya Markul Poem That Says So Much

allisoncrow — Fri, 14 Jul 2023 14:07:43 +0000

“When I realized my pain came from wanting to be liked, I began to love myself. When I realised my pain came from wanting to be acknowledged, I started to see who I really was…”

This poem by Tanya Markul is a beautiful expression of the work we do in IFS and IFS coaching. We learn to self-lead, to self-regulate, and what it means to truly self-love.

Many of us spend most of our lives attempting to regulate others. When our protectors are leading, we are masking and maneuvering to be liked and to belong – and there is NOTHING wrong with you – that’s actually innate biology. See how babies – with no vocabulary or logic are learning and responding at the attunement level to stay connected.

We learn to disconnect from ourselves and then live in those patterns subconsciously until we can learn and practice being the primary support and care we’ve always needed; PRACTICE IS KEY, and time on task so that our body’s muscle memory and the cells in our being get it.

We also can’t get rid of these protective parts, but that’s what we’re taught to do – control it away. What works and seems counter-intuitive is connection and the very attunement we were seeking as babies and children.

It is time to learn to SELF-regulate, to SELF-lead.

This is the awkward work my clients and I are doing. In the context of whatever life is handing them )biz, family, relationship, children) we are learning new ways of BEING WITH and leading these activated (an no longer working) parts.

If you would like to do this messy, awkward, both awesome, and hard as fuck work to really get to know and meet and trust all parts of you, I have 4 more spots on my roster. I’m primarily working with people in year-long agreements right now- to be on the journey long enough to build new practices through time on task.

What I’m noticing in me and in my clients is a greater sense of calm grounding, especially in formerly triggering situations. Less grasping out there and more confidence within, less tolerance for manipulations and bullshit, and more connectedness in general.

A client once asked, what does this do to be generative to my business (We’re often so used to torturous productivity and sales stuff being fed to us). My business clients KNOW what works to generate tactically. What’s getting in the way isn’t business and marketing skills – it’s the “inner management team and their distractions, doubts, and procrastinations that block creativity and courage. I can help with that.

Big love for you and all parts of you.

Your favorite life coach,

Allison

(pink flower or pink heart on any of my posts represents – be soft with the hard).

This poem is by Tanya Markul from The She Book.

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You Forget. It’s Not Your Fault & Here is What to do About it.

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 14:53:02 +0000

Because you are human, because you live in a society whose systems are set up to make you forget – remembering can be your most vital practice.

Seriously, you aren’t broken; you’ve done nothing wrong – our systems literally are built on you out-sourcing your self-trust and remembering. When you forget, you give away power and buy stuff you don’t need without thinking. (I love buying stuff I don’t need – with clear intention).

Because you are engaged in life and work and smart as fuck, your mind and mental managers like to move fast through your ideas. Sometimes they get congested and confused. That’s normal.

If you knew that you would regularly – as in super often – FORGET who you BE What ritual could you set up so that you REMEMBER who you are?

. . .Because from that place, everything works with more lube. Flow has space to flow from the remembering.

And remembering doesn’t just happen. That’s why you suffer. We have to cultivate it.

You are not alone, dear human. Even though happy, and excited, and clear, I could feel a sense of forgetting when I sat down at the desk today – and my pre-planned ritual of journaling and writing with a SELF-ENERGY focus – brought me back to remembering. I won’t share the top half of that page quite yet (maybe someday -as you know, I’m pretty unfiltered)…but where I ended up, because of the daily practice, was in the remembering, and now I am able, from my heart to be here for you, and to gently take the next steps of my day.

Love, Your Favorite Life Coach.

Allison

I hope you remember.

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Allowing the Space for Heart Coherence

allisoncrow — Tue, 30 May 2023 14:14:06 +0000

Tone: deep contentment, mostly.

There’s an extra space this morning.

After the Soulies closing ceremony (my primary coaching work container over the last 7 years), and after deleting almost ALL of my old fb groups (one for every group program I’ve done since 2011),

I feel the void. Is that the right word?

Void = completely empty, so it’s not quite that, but I do feel the extra space. I sense my brain’s subtle compulsion to NEXT.

I am also in a space where I am able to see my “body of work” over the last 20 years – and longer. It’s a bit overwhelming, some of it embarrassing (to parts of me), and it’s exhaustive. Creating and earning have been so intertwined. My barking brain has the urge to solve the problem (that doesn’t exist).

I solve. Therefore I am?

Ah, the capitalism energy and systemic pressure of NEXTING.

I feel the extra space.

Next door, the 7 dogs are barking like crazy – a funny metaphor for my brain. Unlike my neighbors, I won’t keep my dogs cooped in the garage, but I do know how to engage and soothe my barking parts.

Amy Callahan sent me a lovely post about how horses, and just being near them help us to have a coherent heart.

“A coherent heart pattern is indicative of a system that can recover and adapt to stressful situations very efficiently. Many times, we just need to be in the presence of horses to feel a sense of well-being and peace.” –Superior Therapy LLC on Facebook.

This is my gentle direction.

Coherence. Congruence.

Clearing Completion.

Coherence. Congruence.

Space makes way for the Creativity. Practice makes way for the Creativity.

There are no big moves to make. Nothing to fill.

Heart Coherence.

So that I have a coherent heart and so that I spread that energy to those I come in contact with in any way (except my too many & neglected dogs neighbor – I’m not there yet).

, Allison

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