Deconstructing Systems Archives - Allison Crow

Attractor vs Enroller: A Distinction for Us Both

allisoncrow — Sun, 25 Aug 2024 17:04:42 +0000

A distinction for your consideration: Attractor vs. Enroller

Yesterday was a bingo ball day where all my ideas just bounced around in the bingo ball hopper – none fully

dropped into the final chute. I looked through some recent journals to slow down and connect with my own wisdom.

I came across a note to myself that reminded me, in my coaching practice, I am an

ATTRACTOR

not an

ENROLLER

It was just the SELF-TRUST reminder I needed.

ENROLLER is the formula for what many of us are taught to do in sales—to get people to go through a sales funnel that leads to a sales consultation, where the goal is to “convert” the prospect to a client. Then, handle and overcome objections and close the sale.

This can be effective for many salespeople, but it is also what feels disingenuous and smarmy to others.

ATTRACTOR is a way of being and marketing that feels more natural to me and encourages responsibility and self-trust in potential clients. Yes, I have expert skills, AND the client’s concerns and objections are considered and valid. A right fit is more important than “closing the sale.”

It is often unclear what I do or offer professionally, and I’m sure I leave money on the table. I know this is not the best sales practice (I taught sales for YEARS).

I am quirky and strange, and when potential clients call, if they are with someone who doesn’t know me, isn’t familiar with me, or hasn’t seen or heard me speak or teach, it is always AWKWARD. Even referrals from beloved clients can be strange – not because of the other person but because of me. I’m weird. And I’m incredibly nervous, and my “sense of being perceived” rises when I’m around new people.

Last year, I had a series of “cold discovery calls” that I think came through tiktok, which was so awkward. I was awkward.

Coaching is not a mechanical process for me—it’s a relational process, and I’m weird at the beginning of relationships, even if I don’t want to be. Hello AUDHD.

I can now see it’s a bottom-up process, and I desire that both ways. I’m probably not your best fit if you are a top-down linear thinker.

Most, not all, of the people I work well with have known and “followed” me for years. Sometimes ten or more years – The quiet watchers routinely come out when THEY are ready and say, “I want to work with you.” They are the ones that end up in transformative years or more long engagements – doing deep inner and outer work. By the time they go to my coaching page and request a connection and discovery session – they know they want to work with me in the direction of their dreams and well-being.

I know I’m not super direct, and, when you are ready, I’m here, and we can talk and create a custom program for you.

I shared this because this week, I was able to help a client see that they are more of a Gardner in their business, too, not a machine. What I call “capitalism brain” is a subconscious influence that always pushing the machine. But there IS a place for those of us who are gardeners to cultivate in our lives and work.

Maybe you need to be reminded that you are a gardener, and you can do what you do. You can keep sharing your heart, showing your work, and making warm invitations, and the right clients will bloom at the right time.

Enroller or attractor – one is not better than the other, but one is more authentic to me and more congruent with my system and my way of being and creating in the world.

Remember who YOU are, and go do your thing!

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Do your Leaders Invite You to Self Trust Like Rick Rubin (And Me)

allisoncrow — Thu, 22 Aug 2024 14:35:00 +0000

SELF- Trust:

As a coach- my clients often hear me say:

You can accept, modify, or reject

I’ll lay this idea/suggestion on the table, and you can pick it up or leave it there.

I am not the boss of you. I believe in you. I have some really good ideas and connection and protection strategies to share – but you are the ultimate authority on you.

My friend Justin mentioned this book by Rick Rubin recently- and I’ve been mainly listening – but this morning, I opened the hardback- and loved this invocation for the reader to use what is helpful and let go of the rest.

This post has an affiliate link.

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UNLEARNING (In my journal)

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 17:11:36 +0000

Today is one of those days when all the dots connect, and I can see how the past has led me to now. My now is ordinary; there is no monumental milestone or achievement. There is nothing to brag about, nothing you will admire as fabulous.

Unlearning isn’t a popular or particularly pleasing journey. It’s often heavy and certainly not inspirational low-hanging fruit to sell in a coaching program. “I can help you make more money.”

If I were really brave, I would share more of my unlearning with you out loud, but I am still sensitive to what you think about me.

Still.

Most of all, if I weren’t afraid of being so “negative.” There’s some programming and “not truth.”

Do you think nature says, “I shouldn’t be so negative#8221; or even God? Buahahahah. Nope.

We can not escape life’s difficulties even if we do everything we can to escape them. But we can learn to access our own SELFSOUL to be with ourselves and others in the difficulties (and the delights).

Unlearning IS a valid path to SELFSOUL trust. I added SOUL because the SELF-TRUST I am teaching in my work, and living in my life is trust in the INFINITE SOUL within you. The GOD inside of you that you are.

It was always calling, even from way back in 3rd grade, when at HP Elementary, I was compelled to say a prayer in chapel because I was tired of hearing the shame, fire, and brimstone messages about avoiding hell. My little 3rd-grade SOUL knew back then that it was CONNECTION and relationship, not control. And here we are at 52—seeing it all led me to this ordinary moment—where it is more than a theory; it just is.

Alli, you asked for a SOUL-full life for many years, and you’ve been living it all along and are living it here in this moment. You found it by not trying to escape your humanity but by exploring it all the way to the wild edges.

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Unveiling the Invisible Outside and Inside: Understanding Systems and Coping Mechanisms

allisoncrow — Mon, 22 Apr 2024 17:48:32 +0000

In the intricate tapestry of our lives, there exists a phenomenon often overlooked but profoundly influential – invisible systems. Like silent puppeteers, these systems shape our thoughts, behaviors, and interactions without us even realizing their presence. And without even realizing it, we develop coping mechanisms to survive within the pressures of these systems.

The Existence of Invisible Systems

Did you know that invisible systems abound in our world From the moment of our birth, we are enmeshed in a web of unseen structures that dictate how we navigate our reality. Until we become aware of these systems, we are bound to respond with our own set of coping mechanisms – mechanisms designed to forge connections and avert rejection and disconnection. At first, these coping mechanisms work, and eventually, they begin to be more of a problem when one realized their authenticity has been left behind.

The Desire for Connection and Authenticity

At the core of our beings lies a deep-seated yearning to be loved and accepted. This innate desire drives us to seek authenticity, to be true to ourselves in a world governed by various invisible systems such as patriarchy, capitalism, familial structures, educational paradigms, and workplace dynamics. It starts young, even before you can speak.

Navigating the Invisible

It may not be immediately apparent, but these invisible systems wield significant influence over our lives. One key to reclaiming autonomy and authenticity is to unravel the intricacies of these systems. Once we start to recognize them, we cannot turn a blind eye. We are faced with a choice – to succumb to anger or to harness our understanding for growth.

Embracing Internal Family Systems

In our journey towards self-discovery and empowerment, one powerful modality emerges – Internal Family Systems. By delving into the complexities of our internal landscape, we uncover the facets of our sacred SELF and her wisdom for leading us from the inside out. This work helps us see our unconscious coping mechanisms, our benevolent wounded parts, and the protectors within. Through befriending these inner parts, we liberate ourselves from the hooks that tether us and learn to lead with authenticity.

Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison /coachingwallison

Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview: /ifs/

Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human /unarmoredthebook

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Bug Soup & Updates

Elyse Rich — Mon, 06 Nov 2023 16:49:08 +0000

Hello Hello Humans!

I feel like a little kid getting back on a bicycle,
It’s been a couple of months since I podcasted.

Bug Soup is the time during chrysalis when the caterpillar disintegrates and devolves
and physically, materially turns into an gooey mess before it regenerates into the butterflies that bless us all.

It’s a metaphor for a stage of creation and a stage of life.

Who else is in and has been in Bug Soup?

I have been for quite some time.

It feels like whack a mole and it is just life.

I just want to acknowledge the humanity of seasons of Bug Soup no matter what causes them.

Love,

Allison

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

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If You Can’t Lead Clients with SELF-TRUST What is the Real Agenda in Coaching?

allisoncrow — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 17:17:40 +0000

A few months ago, I was offered a partnership as the VP of a newly organized and practically guaranteed-to-be profitable corporate coaching company.

It was flattering, of course, as my years of expertise and effectiveness as a coach were what had this person want me for the position.

Obviously, I didn’t take the position. While I’m sure the coaching company will do great things and help many people, I had two questions for the CEO before even going down the path to considering this role:

1. Can I put the CLIENT first in my coaching, or would I have to put the company first?

2. Would I have to filter myself, or could I be fully me?

Without even a spoken word, it became a clear NO for both of us.

I’m sure I’ve lost position and profit, over and over, because SELF-TRUST must come first, both for me and for my clients.

#selfconnection and #selftrust are skills – they are learned and practiced. And most of the systems around you are teaching you the opposite – to bend to the will of giving away your power and sovereignty.

You know more than you think you do; you have the wisdom within. Cultivate those skills of #selfconnection and #selftrust.

Love,
💛 Allison

Podcast Episodes on Self Trust:

SELF-Trust & Invisible Systems

Coping Skills & Self-Trust

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Unwinding Direction into Wandering for a Season

allisoncrow — Tue, 01 Aug 2023 13:44:08 +0000

December 6th, Last year, my book was published. And that early morning, as I sat down at my desk, my husband asked, “What are you doing#8221;

“Going to writing practice.”

This had been my answer to his morning question every day for the previous few years – and had become an affectionate ritual for us.

“But you just published your book#8221; he said with perplexed eyes.

“It’s what I do; I write. I go to writing practice.”

It’s been almost a year since I didn’t have a BIG goal to light the way in writing practice. Some mornings my body wants an objective. My peers check in to the question “What are you working on today#8221; with things like:

“My manuscript”
“Chapter 7”
“An email to my client.”
“My dissertation”
“My prompt today is….”

. . .and there I am with my wandering writing. My answer is often, “I’m not sure; we’ll see where we end up.”

In a world that demands direction, I am wandering these days. I am unwinding my body and mind from the mandates of a specific way of being in life and (especially) business that no longer fits.

There are moments when the wandering delivers pure enchantment, and there are moments when panic sets in my body because I’m not forcing her in a goal-driven direction, even though I still have financial obligations to meet. I may be wandering, but I am in no way retired.

I have only an abrupt ending here because. . . I am wandering. The journey isn’t complete, so there is no summation or conclusion.

Here is a photo of me wandering Colorado in December 1995

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Fierce Personal Protector Parts – Internal Family Systems

allisoncrow — Tue, 13 Jun 2023 14:08:58 +0000

Imagine a very quiet secret service protector. She is quiet but consistently over my right shoulder. Her presence is thick and always there. But she isn’t on guard for outside threats; she is monitoring my behavior, my productivity, my processes, and my very existence.

Most of my “Inner System” and parts use verbal language to communicate and are easy to see and know. This part grunts from time to time (a bit like Roy Kent) with disapproval.
Her grunts translated into words are:

😡You are doing it wrong.
😡If you don’t get it done, you’ll be left.
😡You should do more.

😡If you slow down, you will evaporate into the void of nothing, NOTHING. ]
😡 You need to manage this shit because no one else can.

She was brought into my system by being exposed to high-demand religion and systemic patriarchy communities from 1st grade – 25 years old.

I feel the weight of her hard-on-me-ness in the muscles around my scapula. Sometimes I feel her in my clenched jaw.
For the first time, I turn directly to her and say, “Hello, Hard-On-Me, I see you. I am here for you, ” Keeping my distance but communicating my presence with my belly and heart.

She’s not falling for it, and that’s ok. She sees me as 15 years old. And that’s ok too.

She is one of my primary protectors. ALWAYS on. Not like many of my other parts who come and go. She rare

ly sleeps.

I can sense her desire for connection but her fear of dropping her guard. That’s ok, too.

It’s a start.
A connected start.
A connected start plants a seed of softness and presence without asking too much.
Trust must be built first, and trust takes time.
_______
We are all made of multitudes, and because we are human, some of these parts are gripping outdated means and organizing our lives for our protection, which is no longer needed. But we’ve been taught to override these parts, ignore them, and shove them down.

There is another way. It involves new skills. And gentle time on task. And it leads to that inner softness and genuine grounded confidence. Moving through the world less encumbered.
This is the work I do in myself and that I help my 1:1 clients do.
💛

#selfleadership #internalfamilysystems #allpartswelcome

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You Forget. It’s Not Your Fault & Here is What to do About it.

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 14:53:02 +0000

Because you are human, because you live in a society whose systems are set up to make you forget – remembering can be your most vital practice.

Seriously, you aren’t broken; you’ve done nothing wrong – our systems literally are built on you out-sourcing your self-trust and remembering. When you forget, you give away power and buy stuff you don’t need without thinking. (I love buying stuff I don’t need – with clear intention).

Because you are engaged in life and work and smart as fuck, your mind and mental managers like to move fast through your ideas. Sometimes they get congested and confused. That’s normal.

If you knew that you would regularly – as in super often – FORGET who you BE What ritual could you set up so that you REMEMBER who you are?

. . .Because from that place, everything works with more lube. Flow has space to flow from the remembering.

And remembering doesn’t just happen. That’s why you suffer. We have to cultivate it.

You are not alone, dear human. Even though happy, and excited, and clear, I could feel a sense of forgetting when I sat down at the desk today – and my pre-planned ritual of journaling and writing with a SELF-ENERGY focus – brought me back to remembering. I won’t share the top half of that page quite yet (maybe someday -as you know, I’m pretty unfiltered)…but where I ended up, because of the daily practice, was in the remembering, and now I am able, from my heart to be here for you, and to gently take the next steps of my day.

Love, Your Favorite Life Coach.

Allison

I hope you remember.

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Allowing the Space for Heart Coherence

allisoncrow — Tue, 30 May 2023 14:14:06 +0000

Tone: deep contentment, mostly.

There’s an extra space this morning.

After the Soulies closing ceremony (my primary coaching work container over the last 7 years), and after deleting almost ALL of my old fb groups (one for every group program I’ve done since 2011),

I feel the void. Is that the right word?

Void = completely empty, so it’s not quite that, but I do feel the extra space. I sense my brain’s subtle compulsion to NEXT.

I am also in a space where I am able to see my “body of work” over the last 20 years – and longer. It’s a bit overwhelming, some of it embarrassing (to parts of me), and it’s exhaustive. Creating and earning have been so intertwined. My barking brain has the urge to solve the problem (that doesn’t exist).

I solve. Therefore I am?

Ah, the capitalism energy and systemic pressure of NEXTING.

I feel the extra space.

Next door, the 7 dogs are barking like crazy – a funny metaphor for my brain. Unlike my neighbors, I won’t keep my dogs cooped in the garage, but I do know how to engage and soothe my barking parts.

Amy Callahan sent me a lovely post about how horses, and just being near them help us to have a coherent heart.

“A coherent heart pattern is indicative of a system that can recover and adapt to stressful situations very efficiently. Many times, we just need to be in the presence of horses to feel a sense of well-being and peace.” –Superior Therapy LLC on Facebook.

This is my gentle direction.

Coherence. Congruence.

Clearing Completion.

Coherence. Congruence.

Space makes way for the Creativity. Practice makes way for the Creativity.

There are no big moves to make. Nothing to fill.

Heart Coherence.

So that I have a coherent heart and so that I spread that energy to those I come in contact with in any way (except my too many & neglected dogs neighbor – I’m not there yet).

, Allison

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