It’s not uncommon to feel a loss of confidence, especially during times of transition, change, or stress.

What we call “confidence” in the past was often rooted in external validation or 💛a sense of control over familiar circumstances. When life shifts—whether through age, relationships, career changes, or personal growth—it can feel like that foundation crumbles, leaving us questioning ourselves.

Here’s why this might be happening and some steps to start reconnecting with your confidence:

What Happened?

• External Confidence Was Shaken: Confidence often stems from skills, roles, or identities that feel secure. If those shift—like your job changing, kids leaving home, or your body aging—it’s natural to feel unsteady.
• Internal Growth Can Be Unsettling: Personal growth often brings self-awareness. You might notice patterns, like people-pleasing or perfectionism, that kept you going but were never sustainable. Letting go of those coping mechanisms can feel like losing your “edge.”
• Midlife Health or Neurodivergence May Amplify Self-Doubt: Shifts in hormones, energy, or brain patterns (like ADHD or Autism traits) can make you feel disconnected from the way you used to operate.
• Societal Pressure: There’s often pressure to “have it all figured out” at this stage of life. Feeling unsure can lead to self-doubt, especially if you compare yourself to others.

Here are some of the ways to rebuild self-confidence from the inside out in midlife:

• 💛True confidence comes from self-trust, not performing or pleasing. Begin to ask: What do I value What feels right for me now?
• 💛Practice honoring small inner nudges—this builds trust in yourself.
• 💛Lean Into Curiosity, Not Perfection: You don’t have to “get it all back.” Instead, ask: What feels intriguing, energizing, or joyful Confidence grows when you allow yourself to experiment and learn without harsh judgment.
• 💛Build Body Confidence Through Regulation: Confidence often starts in the body. Try grounding practices like walking, dancing, or slow breathing to bring calm and connection back into your physical self.
• 💛Tend to Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself the way you would a friend who’s lost their footing. Remind yourself that feeling uncertain is part of being human, not a sign of failure.
• 💛 Reconnect With Purpose: Ask: What feels meaningful What small actions can I take today to move toward that Confidence grows when we align our actions with what matters most.
• 💛 Limit Comparisons: Your path is unique. Comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Focus on your growth and values instead.

This stage of life isn’t about “getting back” to who you used to be—it’s about embracing the opportunity to become someone even more grounded, wise, and authentic. Confidence will come naturally as you build self-trust and honor your evolving self.

The post Midlife Can Cause Your Confidence to Wobble: Here’s Why and What to Do About It appeared first on Allison Crow.

As a coach- my clients often hear me say:

 

You can accept, modify, or reject

I’ll lay this idea/suggestion on the table, and you can pick it up or leave it there.

The post Do your Leaders Invite You to Self Trust Like Rick Rubin (And Me) appeared first on Allison Crow.

Who are my fellow humans with strong and vocal Overthinking Parts?nbsp; (I capitalize these to represent the personification of these parts of us). 

Overthinking is a conversation with oneself that too often goes unmonitored. As those thoughts can run amok, they can activate even more Anxious Parts, or Shame.

And guess what It’s not about quieting the noise; it’s about understanding and really hearing the message and truth these parts have for us.  After a lifetime of trying to contol these parts, what my clients and I now know, is that these parts need our connection and attunement.  They are craving our connection and curiosity, not control.

As a seasoned coach, I’ve learned that addressing overthinking requires compassion, and a new inner conversation. Engage with your inner protectors—Procrastination, Distraction, Avoidance—with curiosity and kindness. Want to know how to turn these parts into allies for your well-being and your business’s success I’m here to help you learn to hear and trust your own true self.

Here’s a journal prompt to explore and connect within. Reminder, have a direct conversaion with this overthinking part vs “thinking about or over analizying the Overthinker.”

Hello Overthinking,

I see you.

I will not leave you.

I am here for you.

What would you like me to know

What do you need me to understand about your fears and concerns?

I am listening and will just take in your message – without trying to fixe you. 

I am here.  

This is the advanced personal development I do with business owners, executives, and leaders .  If you would like to explore coaching, find out more here: /coachingwallison/

The post Crafting Authentic Confidence: Working With Overthinking Parts appeared first on Allison Crow.

In the intricate tapestry of our lives, there exists a phenomenon often overlooked but profoundly influential – invisible systems. Like silent puppeteers, these systems shape our thoughts, behaviors, and interactions without us even realizing their presence. And without even realizing it, we develop coping mechanisms to survive within the pressures of these systems. 

The Existence of Invisible Systems

Did you know that invisible systems abound in our world From the moment of our birth, we are enmeshed in a web of unseen structures that dictate how we navigate our reality. Until we become aware of these systems, we are bound to respond with our own set of coping mechanisms – mechanisms designed to forge connections and avert rejection and disconnection. At first, these coping mechanisms work, and eventually, they begin to be more of a problem when one realized their authenticity has been left behind. 

The Desire for Connection and Authenticity

At the core of our beings lies a deep-seated yearning to be loved and accepted. This innate desire drives us to seek authenticity, to be true to ourselves in a world governed by various invisible systems such as patriarchy, capitalism, familial structures, educational paradigms, and workplace dynamics. It starts young, even before you can speak. 

Navigating the Invisible

It may not be immediately apparent, but these invisible systems wield significant influence over our lives. One key to reclaiming autonomy and authenticity is to unravel the intricacies of these systems. Once we start to recognize them, we cannot turn a blind eye. We are faced with a choice – to succumb to anger or to harness our understanding for growth.

Embracing Internal Family Systems

In our journey towards self-discovery and empowerment, one powerful modality emerges – Internal Family Systems. By delving into the complexities of our internal landscape, we uncover the facets of our sacred SELF and her wisdom for leading us from the inside out.  This work helps us see our unconscious coping mechanisms, our benevolent wounded parts, and the protectors within. Through befriending these inner parts,  we liberate ourselves from the hooks that tether us and learn to lead with authenticity.

Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison /coachingwallison

Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview: /ifs/

Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human /unarmoredthebook

The post Unveiling the Invisible Outside and Inside: Understanding Systems and Coping Mechanisms appeared first on Allison Crow.

The more I meet myself (and my parts), the less I want to punch other people in the face.

 

Most of us are conditioned to despise, fear, and suppress “negative emotions.” I don’t believe that any emotions are negative. I believe they have wisdom and information for us. I believe there are cognitive and body skills we can learn to understand and lead our emotions instead of them leading us.

 

There will be no more erupting and no more pressing down (depression). Emotional self-leadership and the language of emotions can be learned and practiced.

Most people are taught that emotions don’t belong at work. Mental health, anxiety, & stress much What if these parts could be softened and compassionately led into relaxing & sharing their wisdom, leading to calm and creative confidence and courage?

 

This is the advanced personal development I do with business owners, executives, and leaders .  If you would like to explore coaching, find out more here: /coachingwallison/

 

I also wrote about this in my book #Unarmored –Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human

#lifecoachingforentrepreneurs #ifscoaching #leadershipdevelopment #leadershipcoaching

The post Punching People In The Face appeared first on Allison Crow.

Navigating self-trust isn’t always easy. It’s about finding your footing amidst the pressures of fitting into the molds the world shapes for us—often at the expense of our authenticity.

Let’s talk people-pleasing. It’s a tune many of us dance to, a coping mechanism etched into our psyches from childhood. We all crave connection and acceptance. But beyond the superficial layers lies the question: Who are you, stripped of the thirst for approval

I’ve found that this takes self-awareness, deconstruction, and time rebuilding.

I’ve been delving into what society labels as “negative,” and it’s been a revelation – both internally and in the reactions of those around me.

“You’re too angry.”

“You’re too sad.”

“You’re too negative.”

“You’re too complainy.”

“You think too much.”

“You worry too much.”

“You judge too much.”

“Just let it go!!!”

Sound familiar We tend to shove these parts into dark corners, hoping they’ll disappear because we were taught to shame and exile them instead of caring for them.  As children, unconsciously, we did what we could; we built coping skills to stay safe and belong.  In childhood, those coping skills served us, but as adults, they need updating and re-working (not abandonment or exile).

As children, we tried to control these parts.  As adults, it is more helpful to connect and relate with these parts of us.

Self-trust takes time on task being connected to, curious about, and compassionate with these parts of us, like building any trusting relationship.  We can meet these parts and become curious and compassionate with them. 

True surrender and SELF-trust aren’t about evading the struggle; they’re about embracing every facet of ourselves, even the ones we fear. They’re about being present for our anger, our anxiety, and our struggles without judgment.

Building self-trust is a journey of nurturing the relationship between our true selves and these often-overlooked parts. It’s about spending quality time with our shadows, acknowledging their presence, and finding peace within their chaos.

This journey isn’t always smooth sailing. Relationships built on pretense may crumble, leaving behind a sense of loss. Yet, through the cracks, we catch glimpses of our authentic selves, resilient and unapologetically real.

Each moment of wobble or struggle is an opportunity to strengthen your self-trust skills.  

Ask yourself:

Who would you be if you trusted yourself wholeheartedly

What if I knew how to BE with any discomfort that came up

What if I never left myself, or any part of me again

And remember, clarity often emerges from the depths of our struggles, not just from moments of blissful meditation. Let building self-trust take time.  You’ve got this. 

• More posts on Self Trust

The post SELF-Trust Takes Time appeared first on Allison Crow.

Allison shares her personal journey of reinventing herself and her business,
discussing her struggles, coping mechanisms, and the need for genuine connections.

She emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s needs and cycles, challenging toxic individualism,
and finding what works authentically for oneself in business and life.

Key Topics and Timestamps

00:00 Welcome to the Live Session: Embracing Spring and Personal Insights

00:45 Journey Through Deep Self-Care and Spiritual Awakening

02:51 Understanding Coping Mechanisms and Embracing Humaness

04:34 The Transformation: From Personal Struggles to Spiritual Reintegration

07:57 Rebuilding Business and Personal Growth Amidst Challenges

12:02 Embracing Prosperity and Connection: A New Approach to Business

18:35 Breaking Free from Conventional Rules: Authentic Content Creation

20:39 Navigating the Achievement Phase: Letting Go of Old Paradigms

22:09 The One-to-Many Model and Its Limitations

23:54 Unlocking the Power of Personal Reinvention

24:37 Navigating Business with Personalized Strategies

26:20 Embracing Individuality in Business and Life

30:13 Challenging Societal Norms and Personal Development Myths

36:17 Understanding Variance and Supporting Personal Ebbs and Flows

42:14 Rebloom: Embracing Sovereignty and Spring Renewal

Mentioned In The Episode: 

The Post about Poker and Variation from my colleague, Mike Harris 

The Self-Lead Humans in Business Facebook Group 

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Insights From Re-Blooming My Business appeared first on Allison Crow.

I’m just going to allow myself to be imperfect in getting back into the routine

I love creating content for y’all 
I’ve always loved creating content for y’all
and I’ve had some procrastination parts come up lately

I had all these plans and was taking no action – Highly unusual for me. 

After a couple of weeks of this procrastination, I sat down to do my parts work practices as I normally do, and my shoulders were aching
and I decided to see if it was a part.

 I slowed down and connected with myself and my body.
Hello, shoulders. I see you.
Hello, tightness, stiffness and pain. I see you

What is it you want me to know?nbsp;

Enjoy this episode and a few of the deeper things I’ve learned from this thing called life over the last few months.

Love, 

Allison

Prefer Video Watch this episode on my YouTube Channel here:

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Resources:

• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post Procrastination or Parts: The Mind Fu&k of Starting Again appeared first on Allison Crow.

It was flattering, of course, as my years of expertise and effectiveness as a coach were what had this person want me for the position.

Obviously, I didn’t take the position. While I’m sure the coaching company will do great things and help many people, I had two questions for the CEO before even going down the path to considering this role:

1. Can I put the CLIENT first in my coaching, or would I have to put the company first?

2. Would I have to filter myself, or could I be fully me?

Without even a spoken word, it became a clear NO for both of us.

I’m sure I’ve lost position and profit, over and over, because SELF-TRUST must come first, both for me and for my clients.

#selfconnection and #selftrust are skills – they are learned and practiced. And most of the systems around you are teaching you the opposite – to bend to the will of giving away your power and sovereignty.

You know more than you think you do; you have the wisdom within. Cultivate those skills of #selfconnection and #selftrust.  

Love,
💛 Allison

Podcast Episodes on Self Trust:

SELF-Trust & Invisible Systems

Coping Skills & Self-Trust

The post If You Can’t Lead Clients with SELF-TRUST What is the Real Agenda in Coaching? appeared first on Allison Crow.

𝟰 𝗘𝗹𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗨𝗽 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗙𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝗙𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 

💛 𝗔 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙
😢 𝗘𝘅𝗶𝗹𝗲𝘀
🗣️ 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀:
🧑‍🚒 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀

Today I’ll introduce the Core SELF.

💛 𝗔 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙– SELF is the natural leader of your system, and psyche, your natural essence, is undamaged, needs no improvement, and is perfect as is. The SELF is the support and care you have always needed. It is the CORE YOU.

𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲, 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀, 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗳𝘂𝗹; 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗺 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻.

For years, even before IFS, I’ve drawn the Yellow Heart and used it as my logo because it reminds me to REMEMBER who I BE from an energetic and loving presence with myself.

I use the yellow/gold heart to help me remember that my essence is love and my true nature. The yellow heart also reminded me that my head and thinking parts, while brilliant, are not my core source being, that is in my heart. I can connect my head (or any of my parts) with my SELF-ENERGY by breathing into my heart.

When I came across IFS – and CORE SELF was represented – I KNEW that my yellow heart would expand to symbolize SELF Energy.

I often use this metaphor with my business owner clients – and if it resonates, I lead them in a meditation to see what “color” their SELF-heart is. Some are blue, one is red and gold, one is rainbow, and another is “fruity pebbles.” The clients KNOW what language and imagery help them identify & connect with this SELF-Energy.

If your SELF-Energy were color and energy – what color would your heart be 💛💚💙💜🤎🤍🧡❤️💞❤️‍🔥💖💟

• Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
• Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
• Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
• Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

The post 4 Elements that Make Up Our Inner Systems In the Internal Family Systems Framework appeared first on Allison Crow.