A CENTRAL CORE SELF:

SELF is the natural leader of your system and psyche, your natural essence, is undamaged, needs no improvement, and is perfect as is.  The SELF is the support and care you have always needed.  It is the CORE YOU. This SELF is permeated with these 8 Cs:

EXILES:

Parts that hold pain, trauma, rejection, deep wounds, and shame.  These parts have been isolated or “exiled” away for their own protection.  They are tender and vulnerable and hold painful emotions, experiences, energies, and beliefs.

• • Examples: not enough, fear of abandonment, too much, unloveable, shame, untethered, empty, worthlessness, undeserving

PROTECTOR MANAGERS: 

Managers run your daily life and give the illusion of control and safety.  They are proactive, generally “acceptable,” and use coping behaviors to prevent humiliation, rejection, and abandonment. They are dedicated to their jobs but often exhausted and feel alone.

• • Examples:  people-pleasing, self-sabotage, anxiety, procrastination, excessive caretaking, overachieving, isolation

PROTECTOR FIREFIGHTERS

Firefighters are reactive parts who create diversions and prevent pain by numbing, bypassing, outsourcing, and distancing from difficult feelings. They claim they don’t care about the consequences and often feel shame and isolated.

• • Examples: eating disorders, addictions, substance abuse, anger issues, overspending with the purpose of not feeling difficult emotions

Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters carry pain and burdens, and the goal of this work is not to eliminate these parts but to help them build trust in SELF-energy and then release their burdens so they may serve updated roles in your system.  

For example, perhaps you have people-pleasing parts (managers) that show up and “drive the bus” when conflict arises.  Even though you “know better,” you may find yourself fawning and caving to avoid “making waves” in a relationship.

These protectors don’t want you to feel the pain of conflict – or maybe they think they are preventing an exile from experiencing violence that happens if someone is unhappy or upset. When you were small, these protectors kept you safe from being smacked or yelled at by someone you loved (when you were little, disagreement sometimes meant anger or violence), and so over time, these protectors took on this role to keep the little ones inside you from EVER feeling that pain again.