Breath is your BFF Archives - Allison Crow

We Can’t Learn When We Are In A Reactive State

allisoncrow — Thu, 27 Jun 2024 13:54:52 +0000

There is an OBVIOUS inflamed and injured nervous system state – with an obvious acute injury. We can see and soften when the injury is obvious. Oh wow!! Your arm got sliced off. That’s gonna take some time to heal- and we can conjure compassion for the obvious wound.

MANY of the people I come to work with have a chronically inflamed and overstimulated nervous system. Years of inner wounds and pain build up. Imagine a really severe sunburn from the inside that you can’t see. Even the slightest touch or poke can cause seemingly extreme reactions and outbursts- and then, because we have an extreme reaction that doesn’t seem to make sense- we pile on the self-shame – adding to the injury.

Burns take time to heal.

There is NO cognitive solution when our insides are severely raw from decades of coping mechanisms that look good on the outside but are wound on the inside.

Soft, space, slow, decompression, and regulation—this is what needs to happen, but we have overstimulating everyday life to attend to. It’s not easy. Our coping skills are applauded and rewarded—there is no 12-step program or rehab for them. So we have to, in our injured and inflamed state, find just a tiny anchor of somatic respite and softness and nurture that as often as we can.

Slow.

Soft.

Space.

Even the tiniest bit to start.

And having a soft person to support you helps tremendously.

It can take time. It’s not done in an insight. It’s done in the safety built over time.

The world can be hard… even the everyday subtleties…. Can wear us thin.

I’ve got you.

We won’t be in this phase forever. The new ways of being will come- but for now- slow and soft is fast.

The post We Can’t Learn When We Are In A Reactive State appeared first on Allison Crow.

4 Elements that Make Up Our Inner Systems In the Internal Family Systems Framework

allisoncrow — Sat, 05 Aug 2023 16:24:47 +0000

𝟰 𝗘𝗹𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗨𝗽 𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗙𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗦𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺𝘀 𝗙𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸

💛 𝗔 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙
😢 𝗘𝘅𝗶𝗹𝗲𝘀
🗣️ 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀:
🧑‍🚒 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀

Today I’ll introduce the Core SELF.

💛 𝗔 𝗰𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙– SELF is the natural leader of your system, and psyche, your natural essence, is undamaged, needs no improvement, and is perfect as is. The SELF is the support and care you have always needed. It is the CORE YOU.

𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀, 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲, 𝗰𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿, 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘀, 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗳𝘂𝗹; 𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗺 𝗮𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻.

For years, even before IFS, I’ve drawn the Yellow Heart and used it as my logo because it reminds me to REMEMBER who I BE from an energetic and loving presence with myself.

I use the yellow/gold heart to help me remember that my essence is love and my true nature. The yellow heart also reminded me that my head and thinking parts, while brilliant, are not my core source being, that is in my heart. I can connect my head (or any of my parts) with my SELF-ENERGY by breathing into my heart.

When I came across IFS – and CORE SELF was represented – I KNEW that my yellow heart would expand to symbolize SELF Energy.

I often use this metaphor with my business owner clients – and if it resonates, I lead them in a meditation to see what “color” their SELF-heart is. Some are blue, one is red and gold, one is rainbow, and another is “fruity pebbles.” The clients KNOW what language and imagery help them identify & connect with this SELF-Energy.

If your SELF-Energy were color and energy – what color would your heart be 💛💚💙💜🤎🤍🧡❤️💞❤️‍🔥💖💟

Visit: Website: www.allisoncrow.com
Find out more about 1:1 coaching with Allison
Internal Family Systems Coaching and a brief IFS Model Overview
Get your copy of UNARMORED: Finding Home in the Wild Edge of Being Human

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You Forget. It’s Not Your Fault & Here is What to do About it.

allisoncrow — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 14:53:02 +0000

Because you are human, because you live in a society whose systems are set up to make you forget – remembering can be your most vital practice.

Seriously, you aren’t broken; you’ve done nothing wrong – our systems literally are built on you out-sourcing your self-trust and remembering. When you forget, you give away power and buy stuff you don’t need without thinking. (I love buying stuff I don’t need – with clear intention).

Because you are engaged in life and work and smart as fuck, your mind and mental managers like to move fast through your ideas. Sometimes they get congested and confused. That’s normal.

If you knew that you would regularly – as in super often – FORGET who you BE What ritual could you set up so that you REMEMBER who you are?

. . .Because from that place, everything works with more lube. Flow has space to flow from the remembering.

And remembering doesn’t just happen. That’s why you suffer. We have to cultivate it.

You are not alone, dear human. Even though happy, and excited, and clear, I could feel a sense of forgetting when I sat down at the desk today – and my pre-planned ritual of journaling and writing with a SELF-ENERGY focus – brought me back to remembering. I won’t share the top half of that page quite yet (maybe someday -as you know, I’m pretty unfiltered)…but where I ended up, because of the daily practice, was in the remembering, and now I am able, from my heart to be here for you, and to gently take the next steps of my day.

Love, Your Favorite Life Coach.

Allison

I hope you remember.

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Personal development and coaching can be so fuckeryish.

allisoncrow — Tue, 28 Mar 2023 14:45:12 +0000

Personal development and coaching can be so fuckeryish. Here’s my example this morning:

I start to journal… “what if XYZ was possible… “

and then I get smacked in the head with,

“but love what is.”

Well, which is it Love what is or have the courage to change what is?

Our thinking parts and shoulds and try so hard to get it right parts battling it out.

That’s always a good sign to drop deeper into your belly and heart and listen.

Call for your true SELF to come forward and whisper inner truth to you – instead of taking on the mandate of the gurus and leaders and coachy-coachy and anything outside of you.

Those tools and rules aren’t bad – in fact, you have a Mary Poppins bag of resources, but in any giv

en moment, seek your inner wisdom for guidance on what tools, if any to use.

Today, my inner knowing says, “Toss the intellect – education, podcasts, and learning and be with the flowers and birds, make art and poetry, and practice smiling.”

What does your inner knowing whisper to you?

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Connect with your SELF

allisoncrow — Sun, 13 Mar 2022 19:49:41 +0000

Self Connection: Take a moment to pause and connect in your body, your heart….your breath, and listen for YOUR truth.

We are taught to demonize and pathologize any “resistance, “block,” or difficult emotion – these are NOT problems to solve..they are opportunities for SELF-connection.

Almost EVERYTHING you have ever been taught or sold or experienced – taught you to defer your self-connection to acceptance by others and belonging, perceived emotional safety, or to give up your power.

Some of my clients are at the top of their fields and industry… and even at the top – is severe disconnection – and all the behaviors that come with that disconnection.

Imagine, for a moment, you moved so self-connected and self-trusting in the world…. what would be light What would be easy What would be profitable How would your relationships be What would the impact be on the people in your world without having to say a word?

This is the work I do. It’s for the brave and willing. The ones who are done pretzeling for everything outside of them.

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Being Smart, and where traditional coaching failed, and what helped.

allisoncrow — Fri, 16 Jul 2021 17:25:05 +0000

For 49 years I’ve been too smart for my own good.

I’m a lifelong student and always will be. My intellectual prowess has always given me a sense of safety and security. For most of my life, this was unconscious and now I see.

I see this was the anchor I hitched my being to in a chaotic life. I see how my intellect helped me solve problems and thrive after divorce, and create a thriving coaching practice. It served me until there were glitches that my intelligence couldn’t solve. I see places where my nervous and psychological systems would still wig out because they didn’t feel safe or certain.

In 2015/16 Jeffrey Rutstein asked me if I had childhood trauma.

My first response was, “No.”

I had very loving and involved parents. I went to private school and we had a boat and a pool. And my parents attended every basketball game I played in. So because it wasn’t like the way trauma was depicted on tv- my brain made up that there was no trauma.

Um, YES there was trauma at home and school and church. I had a physically traumatic bike injury in 4th grade. There was alcoholism, verbal abuse, emotional uncertainty, neglect, financial chaos, food insecurity, emotional manipulation (my school showed us the “Left Behind” movies when I was in 3rd grade), and religious trauma. My sweet mom had a debilitating disability- and 4 kids in 5 years… had a lot of adult responsibilities way to soon. I’m Gen X! Of course there was trauma. I also had traumatic experiences with each set of grandparents- one wealthy and one poor.

Obviously, my parents were doing the best they could with the tools they had- they both had traumatic childhoods….. and frankly, ALL of us have.

Some of my obvious expressions of this chaos have been:
Perpetual Hyper-vigilance.
People pleasing.
Loose boundaries.
Verbal abuse.
Emotional eruption and rage.
Over functioning.
Over debting.
Codependency.
Conflict avoidance.
Cutting people out of my life completely and quickly when it hurt.
Clinical depression and anxiety.
Excruciating fear of rejection and excessive need for validation.

Slowly and gently I began to see the places where trauma still lived in my cells, my bones, my and psychology. I began to notice and recollect stories- not as a victim but just as an aware being. OH…. Of course, that had an impact on you, and here’s where and how it shows up as an adult.

I’m so grateful for gentle teachers, Like Jeffrey, and Chris Zydel, and Rebecca Ching and countless authors and teachers I’ve never actually met in person – they have led me in a compassionate discovery of ALL of me. And I am in love. (Compassion and relationship were key here- no “ass-kicking” -as for me that would just have been more trauma).

These teachers have taught me not to just “know thyself” but to relate to myself, connect and BE with all the parts of me. They have also taught me that my nervous system and body are a major part of the process and healing.

This is why from an intellectual standpoint these wouldn’t, and could not be healed.

Almost everyone I know has joined me at some point in saying, “I know it in my head…. But I just can’t seem to XYZ…”. This is why. It can’t be healed with a mindset shift.

I love coaching. And coaching without embodiment – nervous system knowledge, and trauma-informed care- is just a bandaid on a festering wound. And that’s ok until it isn’t.

You’ll know. You will KNOW in your being and body when it’s time to really go full body and deeper emotionally into your system.

As I approach 50- I can see it all coming together. I can connect the dots of the past so clearly. It’s all so perfect. Even the trauma. It’s made me this tapestry of a human that I do sweetly and tenderly love and am connected to…. As well as intellectually understand.

While I’m excited about the future and my coaching practice and the new modalities I’m immersed in personally, and I’m practicing professionally, what is BEST…. Is in this moment, on my back porch, I am here NOW, with me, with my story, and with this moment (and two panting boxer dogs). I am safe being me. I am safe opening my heart. I am safe here and now.

I wish this peace for anyone who desires to have it.

And so it is.

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Taking Space

allisoncrow — Thu, 15 Apr 2021 15:32:12 +0000

You may have noticed a slight change in my online content lately. I’ve taken a month off to allow for space and listening.

No podcast.

No marketing plan.

No emails to my address book.

Just space (and servicing current clients).

I’ve been doing some really deep and healing work about the shit in the online and business world that still gets under my skin. I know ALL industries have their shit…. and coaching is my industry! I wanna create truly helpful work.

This deep work + space is so healing. Space allows me to ?? the systems of manipulation, fear, and magic pill bull shit.

Now more than ever, I am a stand for slow,

for deep,

for space which creates room for compassionately managing emotions.

Then we can move forward in centered and aligned action.

I have a few clients I’m leading in slow deep inner work – as business owners.

And we are all experiencing similar results- healing, more serenity, calm confidence, and sustainable profit… even increased income.

We have ALL been conditioned so deeply to buy and sell from fear vs self-trust.

I tell my clients often, I’m here to make my offerings irrelevant to you…. because you trust yourself more than even me.

This has been my own personal journey, too.

I am here to facilitate your journey of deep inner work and self-leadership so that you can be aligned in your work and life. You actually DO know what and how to do the things… if you can just sort out and hear your Sacred and centered self.

No more buying or selling magic pills. No more gaslighting over the mindset and coaching platitudes. No fear or scarcity enrolling. No overcoming objections. Just aligned readiness and knowing.

The more I know me, ALL parts of me, the more self-trust is built. I want that for you, too.

This post is a reminder that self-trust is an available journey and option for you. It just isn’t flashy and fast. It’s nuanced and slow and like any relationship develops over time. It is available to you…..

Allison, your favorite life coach.

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A Reminder to Just Breathe!

Elyse Rich — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 16:08:41 +0000

The best advice I can give you in any situation – and especially when you are feeling off – is to just breathe.

The simple act of a breath connects your head and body to your spirit.

We’ve been enduring a lot this year, mentally, socially, physically, and if you are like me, you are feeling the need for some DEEP breaths.

This week, I want to invite you to actually take those deep breaths.

I’m sharing a past podcast episode that encourages and helps you do just that. It’s a quick one, but it’s chill and relaxing and a reminder for you that you matter, that your mental health matters, and that you can slow down.

Join me in acknowledging that life is crazy and sometimes we just need to breathe y’all.

Love,

Your Favorite Life Coach,

Allison Crow

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A mantra for embracing Confusion. A reading from What Ever Arises, Love That by Matt Kahn.

allisoncrow — Tue, 28 Aug 2018 16:48:58 +0000

A mantra for embracing Confusion. A reading from What Ever Arises, Love That by Matt Kahn.

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BLBW Episode 31: The Equivalent of a Free Hug

allisoncrow — Wed, 15 Aug 2018 21:22:40 +0000

I’ve been totally in to and reading Matt Kahn’s book, ‘Whatever Arises, Love That‘ the last few months. And some of the mantras and healing prayers there not only blow my mind but have truly transformed my life by lifting curses and spells of my mind that I have been under. I can’t NOT share some of this magic with you and I highly recommend this book. Both on Audible and in hardback.

Thanks for spreading the word about The Better Life Better Work Show. And of course, I love your Social Media Mentions and Shares with #BetterLifeBetterWork @allison_crow on Instagram. @allicrow on twitter and Allison Crow on Facebook.

And, if you’d like to be a master student of Better Life and Better Work, I invite you to join me in the Soul-Full Success School for Life and Biz ~ My exquisite membership community where connection, coaching, teaching and most of all, YOU, matter.

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