Sensitivity and Overthinking. These two qualities are deep in the cells in my body and way of being. They are not only my biggest struggles. They are also my truly greatest strengths.
They do not always fit nicely in a “contained & performative culture.”
If I wanted to stop feeling or stop over-and-expansively-and-excessively thinking, I could not. No more than I could change the color of my eyes.
Life certainly would be easier and “happier” if I weren’t so sensitive. And I’m sensitive because my mind and senses see sooooo much. You have heard the saying, “Ignorance is bliss.”
Seeing and caring, and feeling come with some burdens. Some days those feel heavy, and on my worst days, I admit to entertaining hopelessness.
Perhaps I don’t run around with a shit-eating grin, kind of bliss in life. But I do live in a different kind of bliss.
I live in the bliss of welcoming (as much as I can) all parts of me. I live in the bliss of living to the wild edges of being human.
Less and less self-shame and self-judgment every day. Only my judgment of myself or others makes me miserable. I’m building the skills and mental muscle memory of seeing myself and the world with compassion.
Instead of trying to fix my sensitivities and the burdens I take on feeling the heaviness of the world, instead of hardening my heart and deciding not to care (I’ve considered this a lot lately), I’m choosing compassion. Again and again.
I choose compassion for my sensitive and overthinking being. I choose calm presence with these parts of me.
I am no longer trying to “be enlightened” as a means of escaping my humanness. Instead, I’m turning toward my humanness with compassion.
If you think and feel deeply, if you sometimes feel you ”care too much,” and if sometimes wish you didn’t give a shit because you’d “be happier and lighter,” I see you. I feel you.
You’ve done nothing wrong. Your concerns are valid. And you are not alone.
