In my dreams, Iโm not ever in a fancy hotel or a swanky luxury location. Iโm certainly not in a formal dress and heels. Never in my real dreams did I dream of wealth the way it is sold to me. Never in my dreams am I a manager of a staff and team. Never in my dreams did I want to build something and sell it for millions.
Never.
In my dreams, Iโm in old boot-cut jeans and cowboy boots, and a soft white T-shirt. My hair is wild, or perhaps in a hat. My smile is wide and there is light in my eyes. I might have a flannel tied at my waist if the Texas air is cool. The ground beneath my feet is dirt or grassโฆa rescue dog or three at my side. Willie Nelson is on the radio and my paid-for 8-year-old F-150 is my ride.
In my dreams Iโm in the Texas hill country with scrappy cedars, Texas wildflowers, and big blue skiesโฆ.the stars at nightโฆ well, you know how the song goes.
And the pool. Thereโs the pool. And my man, and laughter at the dumbest things.
In my dreams more is not better, and luxury cars and homes, high fees, and global impact never show up. In my dreams, I never am rescuing the world. Iโm simply living in it, paying attention to the details because Iโm going slow, writing prose, and poems, and watching birds in my backyard.
In my dreams, more is not betterโฆ.and interestingly just like is already on my business tagline, in my dreams BETTER is better.
Perhaps, a sorta best selling and inspiring book or two, more than enough business doing what I love with people I know deeply and well. Sharing my heart, showing my work. Sharing, out loud, shit that most people donโt dare to say. Sharing softness and sovereignty from the inside out.
Slinging paint, reading books, and journaling the gazillion thoughts in my head. Drinking way too much Diet Coke and red wine, and consuming way too few greens.
Holding my own heart in profound care and SELF-leadership, and guiding others in the same skills of internal care, emotional leadership, and generative creativityโฆ. Slow-growth-cultivation is rare and deep.
In my real dreams, there arenโt too many people. There arenโt thousands, even hundreds. A handful at any given timeโฆ there is no scale or 7-figure-year-after-year plan.
My clients arenโt the most notorious, successful, or most famousโฆbut they are grounded, holy-human, with an urge to create and cultivate and connect deeply instead of performing.
11 years and one week ago I left the go-big-or-go-home dreams the company had for me- to set out on my own.
And Iโll be dammed if part of me continually gets hooked in the play so many others are making.
7 figures, and CEO, and change-maker, impact, and whatever else.
Iโve woven in and out, trying on different versions of me carrying the worldโs definition of my success, holding myself in painful comparison to my peers because somewhere along the way that bled into my bones with the allure of belonging. So many moments parts of me have believed the more more more capitalistic lie.
That play is glamourous and alluring and in no way wrong for those that it is right for.
But have you ever tried to plant hydrangeas in the rocky sandy soil of central Texas?
They canโt thrive.
I’m a wildflowerโฆ
For 49 years I tried to outgrow my Native Soul by doing anything and everything except completely surrender to the native soil I am here to grow in.
I am a wildflower, meant to grow and thrive in a climate of her very own.
Last month, in the first four days of May, I wrote more business than I have in any single year. On top of what Iโd already made in the first 4 months of the year. That money will come and go and months from now it wonโt matter. Money comes and goes.
Last month, I also helped my mom and dad sell their home of 53 yearsโฆ the home of my birth and youth, and a million memories for our family.
With both skill and care, I helped my parents navigate the toughest emotional decisions and to pick a new place in which neither of them ever dreamed of living.
I held my own heart and theirs with grace, and calm, hopeful, but unattached. What Iโm more proud of than the cash, is the care and connection I was able to give my parents. And we arenโt done yet. Let the packing up of all those years begin.
When I told one of my coaches I was spending the rest of the year loving on my family and the clients I haveโฆ he said I was settling.
At first, I was pissed. I certainly didnโt feel seenโฆ but heโs right.
I am SETTLED.
It is SETTLED.
Not in the limiting belief way, but in the deeply settled in the sovereignty of my own soul and knowing. I AM SETTLED.
I am here, leaving the โfreeway and fast laneโ for the last time.
Iโm settled in my soul and taking the scenic route of a hill country road, planted in this native soil, the soil of being casual, deep coaching conversations, art, dogs, family, and swimmingโฆ.. right here in this small plot of central Texas land with my paid-for old truck, my right-sized roster of clients, and my man.
Iโm the wealthiest woman I know.
PS. I fired the coach.
