Allison Crow

Humaning

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Alignment, Compassionate Inquiry, IFS Coaching, Internal Family Systems, Internal Family Systems Coaching, Leadership, Life Coaching, Personal Growth, Recovering Overachiever, Recovering People Pleaser, Releasing Resistance, Self Leadership

On the Front Porch with Protective Parts

June 20, 2023

A watercolor rendering of a front porch with 2 adirondack chairs infront of big windows. Between them is a table with a vase of flowers.
As a trained #internalfamilysystems coach (vs. a therapist) who works with very smart, 

A watercolor rendering of a front porch with 2 adirondack chairs infront of big windows. Between them is a table with a vase of flowers.

head-led, and strategic business owners – we do a ton of what I call
 
Front porch work.
 
My specific amazing clients have protectors & internal that use fierce but publicly rewarded coping mechanisms like #peoplepleasing #overachieving #overfunctioning #intellectualizing #awareness #caregiving #overthinking #anxiety and #strategizing. My clients often also have strong #innercritics and #perfection & #highstandards.
 
These are awesome and valuable skills.
 
Our goal is not to get rid of them but instead create an inner and physical (not just intellectual) trusting relationship with these parts- to learn from them, listen to their wisdom, and be in a different relationship with them. When we do- they relax a little & no longer OVERperform to exhaustion.
 
We spend time in connection and curiosity on the front porch – so to speak. Before we try to โ€œgo insideโ€.
 
We spend time together to create attunement, and attunement opens op connection and connection creates access to our natural #selfenergy. Itโ€™s a beautiful thing to sit on the front porch and facilitate these relationships in my clientsโ€™ inner systems. And it makes going even deeper inside almost natural. ๐Ÿ’›
 
Not all #ifscoaching is exactly like this- this is just what I see in my personal style as a coach and in my specific niche of clients. ๐Ÿ’›
 
You, at anytime, can sit on your own inner front porch and give your inner parts more love and connection, not less.
๐Ÿ’› Allison.
 

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Managers in IFS partswork
by allisoncrow 

About allisoncrow

Advanced Personal Development Life Coach for Experienced Business Owners & Execs๐Ÿ’›Author, Art, & Dogs

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๐Ÿ’› Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human

๐„๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ง ๐„๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐›๐ฅ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ฑ๐ž๐ ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐ฏ๐จ๐ข๐๐ž๐โ€”theyโ€™re messages from different parts of you. Rather than labeling them as good or bad, approach them with curiosity. Each emotion is a part of your system trying to communicate something important about your needs. By listening with empathy to these parts, you deepen your understanding of yourself and build emotional intelligence. This practice of compassionate inquiry helps you strengthen your connection to your internal experience and empowers you to respond in a way that aligns with your true Self.
Instagram post 18053763071158914 Instagram post 18053763071158914
Overthink Much? I have this mental ideal that is Overthink Much?

I have this mental ideal that is embedded in my brain that I would be able to wake up and move forward with all my intentions.  I can see the clear direction and simple steps. I can envision all the "results" and the relief I make up those results would bring. 

One of the things I'm teaching myself to do - is try to write more from a professional voice for you instead of blab in inner processing out on this little white pop-up box. 

How's that working, Alli?

Buahahahah.... all my sweet and striving little parts trying to hold my life closely to that ideal.  I sense the squirm of these parts in my body even when my "thinking" is clear.

I now know this to be a signal for me to slow down and meet those parts with calm and curiosity. First, I must get past one of my sneakiest and most powerful partsโ€”my "awareness" part. This is not Awareness from my core self. 
In IFS - we call these self-like parts. The distinction is that the awareness part carries the burden and tone of "You're doing it wrong."

I asked my clients to notice the part of them that is "mindful and self-aware." What are the words that the voice uses? What is its tone? 

Is it SELF-calm and compassionate, deeply connected? Or is it cognitive and managerial with a motive? 

OOOOF...sending sweet love and compassion to all my thinking, overthinking, and trying-to-get-it-right-for-some-imaginaryideal-parts, and to yours. 

These parts need our somatic connection and attunement. They do not need judgment and alienation. They are scared and holding ages of fear and pain. 

Hello, inner managers, and judgers, and thinkers.  I see you.  I am here for you.  I see your skills.  You have done nothing wrong.  No matter what you feel, you deserve more love, not less.  Let's just breathe together, and then you can share your fears and concerns.  I am here for you.  I will not leave you.
This sweet girl. Only a few taco Tuesdayโ€™s left This sweet girl. Only a few taco Tuesdayโ€™s left before they move across the state.
In the IFS community, we call triggers "trailheads In the IFS community, we call triggers "trailheads" or say, "This part of me is really activated." Identifying and caring for emotionally reactive parts gives us the opportunity to respond with intention rather than impulsively. By practicing emotional regulation and internal partswork, you can create space between stimulus and response, allowing for more thoughtful and grounded decision-making.
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For me, it was the fear I would disintegrate and b For me, it was the fear I would disintegrate and be insignificant.  For many, it's attached to conditional love.  IFS coaching helped me in places typical coaching couldn't.  It helped me compassionately understand and connect with these parts - and ya know what? They began to relax, build trust, and step back, leaving space for my natural creativity, grounded confidence, and clarity to lead in my work & life.  This is available to you.  #ifscoaching
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