Remembering who I BE in the world has always been tricky for me. Perhaps it’s because my feelers and seeing are always out 362 degrees – it’s a holdover from childhood that makes me brilliant, intuitive, and exhausted. I pick up others and only recently am learning what is mine and what is theirs.
I wake up in the morning and all the ideas are there for me- jumbled in a GIANT, buzzing pile of socks just out of the laundry. No order, not many matches, and many of those socks aren’t even mine. I am very specific about my socks. At times I get so lured in by not mine socks.
On my calendar in the mornings, every day, until at least 10:00 is ME time – to sort the mental socks. Somedays they line up well, and the last few days, like the leftover static from a dryer, my ideas have a tinge of shock and anxiety in them.
Whoever the hell encouraged multitasking in the 80’s – well, I can’t-not multi-task AND, damn you.
Slowing down – as a way of life and time and space has helped tremendously. With each breath I can tune out the chainsaw buzzing down the street, the dogs fighting outside next door, and bring my attention to my own body, and then my own sacred and full desk – where my 9 notebooks, and all my pens and pains, and all my lippies wait for me. A big sip of cold, refrigerator water in one of my favorite steel cups.
I listen in to the anxious and antsy parts.
Hello.I am here for you.I see you.I won’t leave you.
I connect….and listen.
And I hear:
“Things are changing – some things are falling away. That feels uncertain and you know how we feel about uncertainty.”
“Eek…I know we need to loosen our grip with some of these ideas…” and a gasp of scarcity grips my lungs.
I am HERE FOR YOU. I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU.We are here now. Together.
Breathe in, we are love. Breathe out, we are love.Breathe in we are creative, breathe out we are held.Breathe in we are not the world’s ideas, breathe out we are our own.Breathe in we are safe to be ME.
