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Coaching, Life Coaching, Personal Growth, Soul-Full Living, Uncategorized

Humanness and Why You’ve Lost Your Joy – Thoughts from the Hammock

June 13, 2014

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𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Take a moment to pause and connect with your body, your heart, and your breath, listening for your truth.

We are also taught to demonize and pathologize any "resistance, "block," or difficult emotion - these are NOT problems to solve..they are opportunities for SELF-connection.

Almost everything you have ever been taught, sold, or experienced has taught you to defer your self-connection to acceptance by others and belonging, perceived emotional safety, or to give up your power.

Some of my clients are at the top of their fields and industries, and even at the top, they experience severe disconnection and all the behaviors that come with that disconnection.

Imagine, for a moment, you moved so self-connected and self-trustingly in the world. What would be light? What would be easy? What would be profitable? How would your relationships be? What would the impact be on the people in your world without having to say a word?

This is the work I do. It's for the brave and willing, the ones who are done pretzeling for everything outside of them. They know the value is in the opportunity to self-connect and coregulate with other women who are committed to BE the same. We practice together because even after 20-30 year careers, this SELF-connection of a midlife woman is a NEW muscle movement. We spent years building muscle memory and practicing what I call pretzeling, and pretzeling works until it no longer works.

Done pretzeling? I can help with that
💛, your favorite life coach.

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐒𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒?

I once got screamed at, shamed, and chastized online (by a former client) for talking about using IFS with my clients - because I am not a therapist.

Yes, IFS is used in therapy, but it is also used in medicine, business, education, parenting and more. (I am trained specifically by the IFS institute as a practitioner).

Internal Family Systems for BUSINESS?
What that wha? YES!
This week, I had my first website inquiry that came from some searching Google for "INTERNAL FAMILY SYSTEMS BUSINESS Coach!"
YES! I have almost two decades of coaching and coach education, and when I stumbled on IFS, something clicked that no other coaching had effectively addressed.

One of the reasons I left coaching for a company where I had 74 clients and opportunities galore to be on stage was because my company wanted me to "coach to the model," not to the client.
I couldn't comply with that mandate, and I couldn't coach for a company at the client's expense.

In my SOUL (YES, I'm being intentionally dramatic), I know that our clients are resourceful and whole-and. I've done my best to specifically help my clients cultivate SELF-TRUST as the foundation of their success...then skills and strategies.

So yes, parts work, and IFS works with the normal "blocks" and challenges we have as business owners. My particular genius and credibility is an almost magic-like ability to compassionately weave a care, compassion, modeling, and teaching connection within that "LITERALLY" relaxes the traditional blocks and allows clarity and confidence to flow. Then, we add smart strategy.

I've got your inner world with precise and tender skills and your strategic planning and execution with sharp business that works for you.

I've got both year-long partnerships for your life & business and drop-in sessions available. Message me for the next steps.

Self-trust is your superpower. And self-trust is a

Self-trust is your superpower. And self-trust is a skill! Skills require practice, tending, and consistent care. We live in a society and in systems that are set up to strip away your self-trust continually. We live in a world that conditions your forgetting. If you don’t trust yourself, you give away your power, your money, your energy, your resources, and your #peace. You can be tamed and controlled if you don’t develop your self-trust. Make a choice to build your self-trust. Your self-trust is a worthy endeavor.

What bumps up against self-trust? I hear it daily with my clients, some of the most amazing and achieved leaders— I hear the threats of:

❌Doing it wrong
❌Not fitting in
❌Being rejected
❌Being unloved
❌Being too much or
❌Not being enough

The fitting in coping mechanisms is strong. Even in the strongest leaders lies the tenderness of the human heart, protected by coping behaviors that respond to natural, reasonable, and human threats.

Most personal development tells us to rid ourselves of these parts of us. But I work with my clients to compassionately meet and welcome these parts. And when we do- they begin to relax and make way for that elusive self trust.

Small business owner-humans, wanna develop more self-trust? Perhaps working with me in a group or privately would help. Message me. Let’s discuss options. #meetyourself #trustyourself #beyourself #selfleadership #selftrust #confidence #internalfamilysystems #ifscoachingforbusiness #internalfamilysystemscoaching #lifecoachforbusinessowners

Do you ever feel like your inner critic is on a ra

Do you ever feel like your inner critic is on a rampage, leaving you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and “shoulds”? I’ve been feeling that hard lately. So I’ve started a gentle practice called Letters from Love—just a few moments each day where I connect with my most loving, grounded self.

I believe we all have a wise, kind core that just needs some space to shine through. So, while I allow all parts of me to show up (yes, even the grumpy ones!), I’m giving the softest, most loving parts a chance to speak, too. 💌 It’s helping me rewire my mind for more kindness and self-compassion.
Is anyone else ready to give this a try? 🌸

I recently published a longer video about this practice on my YouTube Channel!

𝐓𝐡𝐞 #𝟏 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐊𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐏𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤

Coaching is an art and science of behavior change, and wouldn’t it be fun if it were actually as easy as “change your thinking, change your life?”
Just changing our thinking is a gross oversimplification. It leaves millions frustrated and fleeced.
One (of many) significant determiners of our lives is not just our thinking or our emotions but actually our habitual and subconscious attempts NOT to feel disconnection, shame, rejection, fear, sadness, and other uncomfortable and painful emotions.

These attempts show up as coping mechanisms that serve as armored protection from these feelings.

Here’s the burn for high-achievers: The coping mechanisms that worked for us are socially acceptable and highly admirable. They are often praised and rewarded by society.

We give and overgive. We perform, we people please, we over-function, and we caretake others, often at the expense of our true selves. If you are neurodivergent (like I am), then we mask along with our armor. It feels good until it begins not to feel good, and then what?

We look up and see all the perceived excellence around us but can feel empty or like something is missing – yet we gaslight ourselves into gratitude. That is not compassion; that is comparison.
My clients with longevity in the personal development space do this the most. You’ve been taught to shame your way into appreciation instead of taught how to cultivate it from within.

Where does that leave us when these coping skills actually begin to perpetuate our struggle?
This is the place many of my experienced business owner clients are in:

💛💛𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐫𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐓💛💛

The shoulds are familiar and known; they are reliable even if they come with a side of suffering.
The uncomfortable known will always be more appealing to the unknown.
The road to self-trust requires both learning new skills and unlearning old ways of habitual coping. It also requires seeing all the systems that taught you ON PURPOSE not to trust – and that can be downright depressing and bring up grief.

When you are ready - I'm here.

When I went to find my spark this morning; when I

When I went to find my spark this morning; when I went to see if my heart was still alive,

at first, I was distracted by the many interests and obligations on my to-do list. I noticed I could not land.

What is the ONE thing, Alli?” I asked - and remembering self-trust - I wrote in my journal with my favorite black pen:

If I trusted myself, I would.....and I trusted my intuition to answer.

write
create
talk
coach for a living

I felt a tee tiny gasp of relief because my brain has actually been considering getting a data analyst certificate or opening up an online stationary store and walking away from coaching entirely.

A book about “goals” came to my mind, and I remembered all the times I wanted something so directionally and how I’ve almost always ever created something I wanted from deep in my gut.

Then, my income flashed before my eyes—the thing that had made me feel so safe and significant for a long time. The best thing about not making as much money as you did for so many years is that you learn that your significance and identity aren’t income.

This is when a part of me intruded on my inner conversation to yell, “If all it takes is a goal, then your goal should be to get your damn income back up.”

My black pen immediately responded, “Money is not enough to propel your heart in the direction you are seeking at this moment, Alli.”

I am hungry for moments, not money. Moments set my being ablaze.

I looked up from my paper and went to the poet John Roedel’s FB page because I knew I would see my soul in one of the mirrors hung there every day.

There, I found Anita Myers reading a poem from his new book, Wonderache, and the words “to gather beauty” are all I remember and that was enough.

Enough for me to remember.
Enough for me to be fed.

💛, Alli

It’s hard to have a new cognitive thought when w

It’s hard to have a new cognitive thought when we are ruminating or overthinking.- excessive rumination = dysregulation and that means we have to shift our physical state first. 💙 #midlifewomen #midlife

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