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appreciation, List, my mentors, Uncategorized

The Blessing I Got on the Day Maya Angelou Died

May 29, 2014

Dr. Maya Angelou crossed over the veil yesterday.  As I watch the various posts and news articles cross my feed, I just soaked her love and wisdom in.  I took for granted that she would not just always be there.  And now that she is gone, I am so grateful for how much she has left us.

I painted a painting based on one of her quotes just 2 months ago:

Woman - Inspired by Maya Angelou Quote

In a strange way, Dr. Angelou’s death, healed a piece of me yesterday.  

I woke up in a funk about my middle age changing body.  Long story, and I am just not that skinny waif I was for about 35 years.  I am now taking up more space in the world, both energetically, and physically.  My wisdom and my belly are growing.  Never once, in admiring Maya Angelou, did I question her looks, or her weight.  I just saw her inner beauty.  And the light that she shone.  And I felt the impact of her poetry, and her speaking, and her being on my life.

And then, in my facebook feed, I saw this photo (and I’d love to give credit – so if this is your photo, please let me know so I can ask you for permission to post it and then credit you):

young Maya Angelou

There she was, as a young woman, with a tall, skinny body – a body similar to the one I used to have.  Tiny waist, luscious booty, strong arms and shoulders.

And in that moment I released my need to BE WHAT WAS – and to just allow myself to become.

This isn’t even really about body, or weight.  It isn’t about looks.  But sometimes we need a FORM from which to learn these deeper lessons.  Beyond the form, is the essence and the energy.

So thank you, Maya, for yet another beautiful lesson of love.  I appreciate that in our loss of your physical being here,

you gave me one more blessing and lesson –

to remember to LOVE BECOMING. 

Here are some of my favorite quotes by the not only tall in stature, but also tall in spirit, Dr. Maya Angelou.

  • “Nothing can dim the light which shines from within.”
  • My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”
  • “I’ve learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.” 
  • “The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.”
  • “My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.”
  • “You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”
  • “If I am not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?”
  • “Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.”

 

And of course the poem Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me. 

Maya Angelou

 

Thank you mother Maya, for all you have given us.

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Maya Angelou
by allisoncrow 

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Here is an expressive arts piece I created with lo Here is an expressive arts piece I created with lots of the parts of myself that had been pushed down for decades.

After being certified as an expressive arts facilitator and leading a few retreats, I suddenly stopped painting. I had to create some foundations and life stability physically, financially, and in my emotionally in order to expand my capacity for this work.

I am ready to bring this work back again. Keep your eye out for fall painting retreats.... 

Ps. Somehow I want this grainy image of tempura paint on poster paper- to be the cover of the book I am writing- a raw and inspiring memoir on becoming a woman of range.
Hey smart people... this one is for YOU. For the Hey smart people... this one is for YOU.  For the first 42 years of my life- KNOWING shit and managing my mind protected and propelled me.

Critical thinking, research, learning everything I could about what ever I was interested in- brought me success, power, position.

Just like many of my high achieving clients- our intellect and performance masked and hurried an ability to meet and manage emotions. We used force of productivity to shove down intense and uncomfortable feelings. And certainly we weren’t taught these skills in our families or education. 

Honestly I was 7 years into a coaching career before I realized I had zero capacity for difficult emotions- I’d been bypassing them woth “mindset and change your thinking.”

If you are like me and my clients, these buried emotions could often erupt instantly and unexpected- as rage, verbal violence, name calling, cutting people off and out of our lives with no warning and other emotionally harmful behaviors. I particularly had a verbally violent rage that covered my deepest abandonment fears and pain.

Interestingly it was never coaching that led me to meeting my emotion. It was art, and expressive arts (therapeutic intuitive Painting). 

This experience and training - in the context of a culture of polarized politics and some personal family stuff- gave me the opportunity to meet my own most tender parts.

My lifelong depression lifted and the anxiety intensified- as my thinking self wanted to continue to stop me from feeling.

Actually feeling and being with emotion and sensation has become a practice in my life and in my work w clients.

Thank you to the mentors like @wildheartqueen and @richlitvin @rebeccachingmft who make space for me to make space for my most tender parts. I am grateful to myself for being willing to dive into what felt like the darkest spaces of my heart. 

I am almost 50.  If you are reading this- whatever age- I invite you to begin meeting your emotions and feeling with space and compassion. It is the gift I want the whole world to have.

This is peace. This is wholeness. This is love.
Nope. I don't wanna connect WhatsApp to my fb pag Nope.  I don't wanna connect WhatsApp to my fb page. 
Nope. I don't wanna pay you, Yahoo, to be on your fancy coach list...you either Forbes. 
Nope.  I don't wanna grow my instagram your way.  I have the perfect amount of followers at just the right moment and I will grow how ever I grow, or shrink. 
Nope. I'm not gonna boost the post. 
Nope, I'm not gonna buy followers or klout. 
Nope, Im not going to even read your cold pitch.

It actually IS you.
..NOT me. 

I'm doing me and it is working perfectly.
Gooooood Morning! Pre-make up and dog walk Bianca Gooooood Morning! Pre-make up and dog walk Bianca Forte on the back porch!

Mondays are for Lovers and that is you! Love this precious and often intense life! Love your body and all it does for you even if it is creaky some days and you accidentally toot in public real loudly on occasion.

Love on your people... your family and friends and clients. 

Love the opportunities that live in each moment!

Love rest and a good moisturizer and birds singing outside.

Love the tender and stressed parts so deeply- they are calling for your space and attention.

I know it might be the wrinkles on my forehead but for real, What are you loving today? This week? This moment?
It started early in my career as a sales coach for It started early in my career as a sales coach for coaches. In 2007 I was on a panel of experts & a question from the audience led me to sharing that, albeit ‘successful & positive’ I struggled with anxiety & depression.  When I made that private struggle public, I saw many heads in the audience nod their heads, & after our session, a line of coaches waited their turns to say, “Thank you for sharing, me too.”

A few days later, back in the office, my mentor, coach, boss shamed me, “I would NEVER have shared that” as she looked at me with disgust.

That moment I knew I would lead others in a different way. I would share more of my true self... and I would acknowledge & share tools & methods I used to manage my emotions and difficult parts... instead of pretending they didn’t exist.

At the time I had to be the leader I was looking for because vulnerability was not cool or welcome. Yet, something in me knew I had to learn to meet & work with all the parts of myself.

14 years later I hired a private leadership coach and she introduced me to #internalfamilysystems and all the connections are coming together.

Learning to lead my internal self and love all parts of myself... IS the work. 

So much of coaching and spirituality bypassed or hustled right over really important work.... and we wonder why we get lackluster results with a side of shame.

I see so much more clearly now than I ever have..... 30 years into personal development and I’ve just begun. 

💛 Allison
Two self portraits of a leader, of me. One you see Two self portraits of a leader, of me. One you see, and one I live in every moment.

We are so much more that can be shared here, and in fact at almost 50 I’m getting to know parts of me I’ve never met.

Today I encountered a part of me who “regrets” and feels shame about the past.  I just sat with her. Breathed with her. Welcomed her in and told her when she is ready to share I’m here willing to listen.

Leading yourself takes courage. It’s a squirmy journey. And so worth it.
This popped up in my memories. I was the visual no This popped up in my memories. I was the visual note taker in the room for @richlitvin many times.  The content still resonates.
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