There is an OBVIOUS inflamed and injured nervous system state – with an obvious acute injury. We can see and soften when the injury is obvious. Oh wow!! Your arm got sliced off. That’s gonna take some time to heal- and we can conjure compassion for the obvious wound.
MANY of the people I come to work with have a chronically inflamed and overstimulated nervous system. Years of inner wounds and pain build up. Imagine a really severe sunburn from the inside that you can’t see. Even the slightest touch or poke can cause seemingly extreme reactions and outbursts- and then, because we have an extreme reaction that doesn’t seem to make sense- we pile on the self-shame – adding to the injury.
Burns take time to heal.
There is NO cognitive solution when our insides are severely raw from decades of coping mechanisms that look good on the outside but are wound on the inside.
Soft, space, slow, decompression, and regulation—this is what needs to happen, but we have overstimulating everyday life to attend to. It’s not easy. Our coping skills are applauded and rewarded—there is no 12-step program or rehab for them. So we have to, in our injured and inflamed state, find just a tiny anchor of somatic respite and softness and nurture that as often as we can.
Slow.
Soft.
Space.
Even the tiniest bit to start.
And having a soft person to support you helps tremendously.
It can take time. It’s not done in an insight. It’s done in the safety built over time.
The world can be hard… even the everyday subtleties…. Can wear us thin.
I’ve got you.
We won’t be in this phase forever. The new ways of being will come- but for now- slow and soft is fast.
