Allison Crow

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Better Life Better Work Show, Mindset and Thinking, My Mentors, Personal Growth, Podcast

BLBW EP 42: What To Do When Someone Bugs/ Bores/ Annoys You

April 8, 2019

 

If you are in a group coaching program or meeting or work with a group of people it is very likely that somebody will irritate the fuck out of you.
You can walk away from the things that bug the shit out of you andโ€ฆ you will be on the slow track to growth.  Your annoyance/judgment is not about that person, itโ€™s about you.

The Tool:

  1. Get curious about yourself
  • What is it in that personโ€™s behavior that is inflaming something in me that has to needs to be considered, healed, processed, ownedโ€ฆ
  • What is this about this that drives me nutsโ€ฆ hold up the mirror..
  • Donโ€™t take everything personally and let the other person to be wherever they are on the journey.
  • Look at our triggers and annoyances and take responsibility.
  • Isnโ€™t that interesting, What in me is really bothered by this person that needs to go?
  • When somebody else is irritating you, take a moment to pause and get curious about yourself.
  • Turn my judgments into curiosity about me.
  • What is it about this person that bothers me?

Resource: Byron Katie: Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet

Thanks for spreading the word about The Better Life Better Work Show.  And of course, I love your Social Media Mentions and Shares with #BetterLifeBetterWork @allison_crow on Instagram. @allicrow on twitter and Allison Crow on Facebook.  

And, if youโ€™d like to be a master student of Better Life and Better Work, I invite you to join me in the Soul-Full Success School for Life and Biz ~ My exquisite membership community where connection, coaching, teaching and most of all, YOU, matter. 

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previous article: How to get your offers to sell – what you are not thinking about.
next article: What to do when someone in your world bugs/triggers/bores you…..this could also be called..how to 10X your value and happiness in any situation.

Comments

  1. Linda Piazza says: April 12, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    This was really great. I would have loved to see you not just listen. I am not sure video was possible. Topic was epic!

    • allisoncrow says: April 14, 2019 at 3:06 pm

      Thank you Linda, for listening! I also recorded this as a video!

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๐Ÿ’›IFS coaching for life/biz
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๐Ÿ’› Finding Home in the Wild Edges of Being Human

๐„๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ง ๐„๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ ๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐›๐ฅ๐ž๐ฆ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ข๐ฑ๐ž๐ ๐จ๐ซ ๐š๐ฏ๐จ๐ข๐๐ž๐โ€”theyโ€™re messages from different parts of you. Rather than labeling them as good or bad, approach them with curiosity. Each emotion is a part of your system trying to communicate something important about your needs. By listening with empathy to these parts, you deepen your understanding of yourself and build emotional intelligence. This practice of compassionate inquiry helps you strengthen your connection to your internal experience and empowers you to respond in a way that aligns with your true Self.
Instagram post 18053763071158914 Instagram post 18053763071158914
Overthink Much? I have this mental ideal that is Overthink Much?

I have this mental ideal that is embedded in my brain that I would be able to wake up and move forward with all my intentions.  I can see the clear direction and simple steps. I can envision all the "results" and the relief I make up those results would bring. 

One of the things I'm teaching myself to do - is try to write more from a professional voice for you instead of blab in inner processing out on this little white pop-up box. 

How's that working, Alli?

Buahahahah.... all my sweet and striving little parts trying to hold my life closely to that ideal.  I sense the squirm of these parts in my body even when my "thinking" is clear.

I now know this to be a signal for me to slow down and meet those parts with calm and curiosity. First, I must get past one of my sneakiest and most powerful partsโ€”my "awareness" part. This is not Awareness from my core self. 
In IFS - we call these self-like parts. The distinction is that the awareness part carries the burden and tone of "You're doing it wrong."

I asked my clients to notice the part of them that is "mindful and self-aware." What are the words that the voice uses? What is its tone? 

Is it SELF-calm and compassionate, deeply connected? Or is it cognitive and managerial with a motive? 

OOOOF...sending sweet love and compassion to all my thinking, overthinking, and trying-to-get-it-right-for-some-imaginaryideal-parts, and to yours. 

These parts need our somatic connection and attunement. They do not need judgment and alienation. They are scared and holding ages of fear and pain. 

Hello, inner managers, and judgers, and thinkers.  I see you.  I am here for you.  I see your skills.  You have done nothing wrong.  No matter what you feel, you deserve more love, not less.  Let's just breathe together, and then you can share your fears and concerns.  I am here for you.  I will not leave you.
This sweet girl. Only a few taco Tuesdayโ€™s left This sweet girl. Only a few taco Tuesdayโ€™s left before they move across the state.
In the IFS community, we call triggers "trailheads In the IFS community, we call triggers "trailheads" or say, "This part of me is really activated." Identifying and caring for emotionally reactive parts gives us the opportunity to respond with intention rather than impulsively. By practicing emotional regulation and internal partswork, you can create space between stimulus and response, allowing for more thoughtful and grounded decision-making.
Instagram post 18052656569149431 Instagram post 18052656569149431
For me, it was the fear I would disintegrate and b For me, it was the fear I would disintegrate and be insignificant.  For many, it's attached to conditional love.  IFS coaching helped me in places typical coaching couldn't.  It helped me compassionately understand and connect with these parts - and ya know what? They began to relax, build trust, and step back, leaving space for my natural creativity, grounded confidence, and clarity to lead in my work & life.  This is available to you.  #ifscoaching
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