Allison Crow

Better Life ~ Better Work

  • Home
  • Coaching With Allison
    • Soul-Full Success Coaching Community
    • Private Coaching
  • Podcast
  • Blog
  • About Allison
    • Contact Allison
    • My Favorite Things – Affiliate Page
    • Privacy Policy
HEART, learning, life coaching, love, Managing Energy, personal, personal growth, Releasing Resistance, Sacred Journeys, Soul-Full Living, transformation, Uncategorized

I Once Was a Prostitute and I’ll bet You’ve Been One Too.

February 22, 2015

No this post won’t be about sex, but it will be about my time as a prostitute and how I climbed out of that hole and found the place I am in now.

While I certainly wouldn’t accuse you, I would bet that a time or two in your life, you have dabbled in the p-word, too.

photo_2
Now that I have you all hot and bothered, let me share the definitions of two very important words to set the stage for this important post about my

 the PRETTY WOMAN Theory Of Personal Power & Energy:

pros·ti·tu·tion
/ˌprästəˈt(y)o͞oSHən/
Noun

1. The practice or occupation of engaging in sex with someone for payment.

2. The corrupt use of one’s talents for personal or financial gain.

cor·rupt
/kəˈrəpt/
Adjective

1. Having or showing a willingness to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain.

So did I really trade sex for money?

No I didn’t.  I did use my talents for both personal and financial gain.  And I was corrupt. Let me explain:

Phase 1: Prostitution

In the movie Pretty Woman, Julia Robert’s character Vivian, goes from street corner prostitute, to high dollar call girl, and then in the end becomes the fully valued love of Edward.  We watch as her personal value changes over time.  And while I wasn’t exchanging sex for money on the corner of Hollywood Blvd, there was a time when I traded my value.  I gave up a part of who I was – to get validation.

Vivian starts out as the full-fledged prostitute on the corner – downgrading herself in exchange for something of value.  She gave away a sacred part of herself for something of value. When she is asked her name, she even replies, “What ever you want it to be, Baby.”

There were so many times in my life when I changed who I was, gave away a part of my soul, a part of my personality, some of my hopes or dreams, and yes, even a part of my body to be liked, to be validated, to be popular, and even to earn an income.  I hate to admit it, but in a million tiny ways, and in a few big ones, I was dishonest with the most important person in my life.  I was dishonest with myself in trade for being liked, looking good, and feeling right.

We all know the literal physical risk and emotional damage literal prostitution can cause.  And yet, this emotional prostitution also carries great risk and emotional wounds.  The longer I stood on the street corner being what any boss, boyfriend, husband, or friend wanted at the expense of my sacred self, the more I separated myself from the unique, beautiful, and valid me that was inside.

Phase 2: Defending

In the middle of the movie Vivian has spent a week or so with Edward.  She has cleaned up, tossed the artificial wig, and has become more like her authentic self.  She has seen more of her own personal value and has been acting more in line with those thoughts and feelings. Just as she’s starting to feel comfortable in her new way of being, Edward’s attorney, Stuckey,  makes an explicit offer to her – Edward walks in and a fist fight ensues.  Stuckey is thrown out and Edward and Vivian have this conversation:

Vivian:
You know what?
Just tell me one thing: Why did you make me get all dressed up?

Edward:
Well, for one thing, the clothing was appropriate.

Vivian: 
No, what I mean is, if you were gonna tell everybody I’m a hooker, – why didn’t you just let me wear my own clothes,okay? – I did not– I did not–I mean, in my own clothes, when someone like that guy Stuckey comes up to me,
I can handle it; I’m prepared.

Edward:
I’m very sorry. I’m not happy with Stuckey at all for saying or doing that.
But he is my attorney. I’ve known him for ten years.
He thought you were some kind of industrial spy. The guy’s paranoid.

Vivian:
Are you my pimp now? You think you can pass me around to your friends? I’m not some little toy!

Edward:
– Look, I know you’re not my toy. Vivian! Vivian, I’m speaking to you. Come back here!
I hate to point out the obvious, but you are, in fact, a hooker!
– And you are my employee!

Vivian:
– Look, you don’t own me. I decide, okay? I say who; I say when; l– I say who–

That last phrase, “I say who; I say when; I say who–“  I can hear the emotion in her voice – I can feel the yearning to believe it and the emptiness of that belief falling short.

I’ve declared something similar a million times.   So tired of being untrue to me, with all the passion I could muster behind my huge hairy fears I’d defend myself, defend my value saying things like: things like:

  • I deserve this!
  • It’s my right!
  • You just don’t understand!
  • How could you?
  • You should _______________________(fill in the blank with a million demanding shoulds)

These phrases, and a million others, too.  All loud and boisterous – merely to cover that inside, I still felt small and worthless.  I remember screaming at my ex husband for leaving me. I remember wanting to tell my boss of 7 years to fuck off when I quit because she never would acknowledge how bad ass I was. I remember demanding my husband to love and trust me, or else.  I spent years in this place of demanding my world, and all those in it, value me.

It WORE. ME. OUT.

The defending stage, and the energy when we are at this place, is a higher energy than the victim & hopeless energy of the prostitution phase.  Defending our value is a HUGE step up – but, my love, if you are anything like me, the defending begins to feel exhausting and you realize, there is a new phase in learning how to truly value ourselves.

Phase 3: Allowing & Being

And then, one coaching conversation changed everything.  Really, I’m sure it happened over time, but the idea finally settled in. The idea of standing in my truth, allowing others to be/think/do/say what they would, and giving myself the value and validation I’d always craved from the world.

At the end of Pretty Woman, Edward makes Vivian an offer – “Come and be with me – I’ll put you up in an apartment.”  Vivian says, “Thanks but no thanks.  Great offer, but not enough for me. ”

At the end, Vivian, having traded her value, then desperately defended it, finally decides who she really is and what she really wants to be in life – and a kept woman in a fancy Manhattan apartment, while better than a prostitute on Hollywood Blvd, just won’t cut it. Standing in her true value, she declines.

For me. it was a thought that my husband should love me and trust my business. The longer I demanded it of him, the more I ached.  And then, that coach, held that mirror up and helped me see, that I should love me.  I should trust my business.  That was the day that things changed. For good.  I stopped prostituting. I stopped defending (for the most part) and I started peacefully standing in my value, allowing others to be.

When I began to see the source of my value as only able to come from within – from the spirit within – is when the value I’d looked for so long came rushing in.  (Interestingly, when I took the pressure off my husband to love me, and to trust my business, he actually began to do both those things better in my eyes).

No longer a prostitute, I can, with out uttering a spoken word, say with calm and quiet confidence,  “I decide. I say who. I say when.”

And now that I know the goodness of finding my value within, I shall never be a prostitute again.

What about you?

 

signature small.

 

 

 

This post was originally featured on Owning Pink in March of 2013.

Spread the love
by allisoncrow 

About allisoncrow

View all posts by allisoncrow

Related Posts

  • all the stories are pointing hereall the stories are pointing here
  • Visual Thinking Conversation Starter #3Visual Thinking Conversation Starter #3
  • a  journal from a retreat participanta journal from a retreat participant
  • A Message for You
previous article: Welcome to the Prima Donna Demo
next article: A note to the Jerky Haters
  • Home
  • Privacy Policy

Coaching

Podcast

Soul-Full Success Coaching Membership

Instagram

  • Are you bumping into any of these problems my clients have?: 1. You don’t like to be consistent. Sure, you want to be, but it’s exhausting. It’s fun to show up when it’s fun, and it’s definitely not fun when not.

2. You have some fear around growing and getting better and what demands success will have on you.

If so, I want to share something I am formulating with you.

This is something simple you might not have thought about to help with these problems.

It’s a path that helps you map out your offerings and get aligned and I’m sharing the whole thing on the podcast now.

Plus, I am giving you a super secret tip at the end of describing the path.

So take a listen (link in bio!) and if this path is something you think you can use to help you as well I’d love to know!
  • "[Allison] has this gentle way of encouraging, that makes me take action, as opposed to rebelling against an authoritarian bark of a command!" 💛 Thank you for your podcast reviews!

I hear you on the rebellion part- embrace who you are, embrace your magic, and then find your action!

If this type of thing sounds interesting to you too, check out my new episodes of the #BetterLifeBetterWork Show (link in bio) and leave a review if you are enjoying it!
  • @billy_flan s book is leaving on a jet plane to Australia! Do you have your copy of Hollywood, Texas? Grab it now! 
Thanks @tiffanyjanescott for sharing your cute face and a copy of the book. Can’t wait to hear why you think.
  • You may know by now that inside Soul-Full Success (my live coaching membership) we have fabulous weekly calls where we share all things life and biz. 
Well recently we talked about 3 big lessons I want to share with you. And while you look at these 3 lessons, I want you to think of the answers you would hold for yourself:

1. Identity – does your identity as a business owner match up with how you are believing, thinking, and doing? What could be more aligned? How do you know? 
2. Knowing Your 3 – I’ve talked about this before, but what are your 3 front facing activities that keep you connected to your people and business? What isn't just another task, but one that fills you, one that connects you, one that can always bring you back to where you need to be? 
3. Investing in Implementation – it’s easy for us to continue buying courses, coaches and formulas, but I challenge you to invest in actual implementation. For me that was assistance with marketing and weekly tasks. What would that look like in your business? 
I dive into these ideas deeper in a podcast episode from a few weeks ago ("3 Lessons from a Soulie Biz Coaching Session"- link in bio to the podcast), but these questions can get you started. 
And if you do ponder these questions and have some answers or insights, I'd love to hear them below!
  • This week I want to acknowledge that we all face difficult times, even as leaders.

And in my work I’ve been lucky to gather some insights and advice from leaders around me about how we can navigate these difficult times.

Because I think we live in a culture that expresses that leaders should have their shit together. They we should hide our emotions, toughen up, have a stiff upper lip, yadda, yadda, yadda.

But this isn’t how Soul-Full leaders navigate these difficult times.

So I want to share the insights I’ve learned about what Soul-Full leaders really do when they are facing something difficult and share some real stories to show you.

I hope this helps you notice some of the bullshit our society tells us leaders have to be and helps you see how you can be your own, perfectly imperfect version of a leader.

And if this episode resonates with you (link in bio), I’d love to know!
  • Do you know your 3 things? 
Your three things is a concept I came up with to help us all when we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. 
You know the days and times when you just stall out. Where you want to go into your cocoon. Where you are possibly in a traumatic stress response and unsure what to do to move forward. 
Those are the times that you can turn to your three things. 
Your three things are the things that when you don't know what else to do, if you do one of them, it will help get you going. 
These are things outside of regular self care, these aren't you habitual go-tos like meditation and journaling, they're the BIG 3. 
So for me, my 3 things are: 
1. Find someone to love and serve. 
2. Get face to face with another human being.
3. Go Live with you all. 
If I am overwhelmed or don't know what to do, all I have to do is one of those 3 things and it starts the transformation in me. 
So I want to invite you to think for yourself what your three things are. What can be your go-to actions to help you when you need it most?
  • Crow - Withers - Wyrtzen- and Flanigin Thanksgiving 2019 💛
  • Do you have a daily gratefulness practice? 
Maybe today is a good day to begin. 
What are you feeling grateful for today? 
Share that goodness with us below!

Follow Me!

Copyright © 2019 · Prima Donna theme by Georgia Lou Studios

Copyright © 2019 · Prima Donna on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in