I’ve spent most of 2016 in the deep recesses of my heart. I recently had to admit, my depression was back.
It has been messy, uncomfortable, painful – I’ve squirmed and wrestled.
I’ve cried more tears and experienced more deep depression and anxiety than I have in over 20 years.
BUT I KNEW…. I had to go there. I had to feel and acknowledge it all. I had to stop pressing the dark places down. For me, this is what depression is. The pressing down of all the things I don’t want to feel. And so I don’t feel — but that presses down the joy too.
So I went there. Down into the portal of the shadow.
And once in the deep underbelly of my darkest shadows…. something magical happened.
Letting myself feel the rage, the loss, the panic, the same, the fear, the hatred, has lifted the weight and cleaned me out It’s like a soul colonic.
I was held by a lovely shaman of death and rebirth- and the election was the inducement of my labor. But I made it out alive and feeling new again.
Darlings, the only way out is through. Give yourself permission to stop de-pressing it all down, and find a safe place to feel it all.
I too have struggled with depression this year. I have been treated for over 20 years but have had the worst bought this year. It became very bad when I switched from a job in which I was literally away from home 6 days a week for 10-13 hours to a work from home job. I thought I would love it because I felt over stimulated and began to hate people at my previous job. I have found I do need some people interaction outside of my family. I have just realized this after a medication changes and several adjustments. I have just discovered the issue of feeling isolated for work from home jobs. Any tips are appreciated. I have started with making it a point to eave the house daily and get on a regular sleep & wake schedule as well as getting dressed evey day.